Stupid Is as Stupid Does

Have you ever done something so dumb you amaze yourself? It actually happens to me more often than I care to admit. The other day, I proved yet once more just how big of a doofus I can be when given the right circumstances. It was the day we left for Florida. I was up at 5:00 a.m., getting ready, finishing up the packing (which Randey was totally rushing me through!), trying to do something with my hair so I didn't look like a raving lunatic all day, busy, busy, busy, busy, busy. Right before I went to slap some make-up on, I decided to change out my contacts. I use the extended wear kind and, quite frankly, I knew I'd left this last pair in too long. I did the left eye first (I'm a lefty. That's how I roll.) No problem. Wrestled with the new contact packaging for my right eye (don't know why it gave me such problems but I blame it for the temporary loss of sanity that ensued). I popped that right contact in and wham! the room started tilting a bit. Oh my gosh!!! I did leave that other set in too long! I was now legally blind in my right eye. I probably blew a retina or something. Maybe was even suffering from the dreaded Eyeball Expulsion Syndrome at that very moment! Oh the panic. How would I function? Would Randey start dressing me funny now that I couldn't see properly? What about my children? My grandchildren?? I'd never see them grow up! And the pain!! Heaven help me, but the pain was....wait a minute. There was no pain. There was nothing really. What the heck? Why was my vision so screwy in my right eye and why wasn't I laid out with the sheer agony of losing my eyesight? Because, Kari, you big dork. You forgot to take your old contact out before you put your new one in. **Sigh** The saddest part was, it's not like it's the first time I've ever done it. I just hadn't done it in awhile so it sort of took me by surprise. Really brought out the hypochondriac in me, too. Geez. Okay, so I calmed down and tried to remove the contacts. No go. Those puppies were stuck together like glue. I tried for what felt like forever before I finally had to go get Randey and admit what I had done. He had the nerve to laugh. A bit. I, of course, immediately let him know the seriousness of the matter and how insensitive and rude he was to not recognize that. In other words, I was an ass about it. It took a bit of wrangling, but with him shining a flashlight directly in my eye and me practically pressing my eyeball onto the bathroom mirror, we finally got the contacts out. Threw the old one away, put the new one back in and viola', I could see, I could see! Yeah. Like I said...stupid is as stupid does. And that day, I exceeded my stupid limit by leaps and bounds.

STOP THE MADNESS!

I really didn't plan on posting today because I'm busy, busy, busy. But...I made the mistake of checking out some "news" stories while I was on a break and look at what I found:

Girl, 13, gets detention for hugging two friends
Illinois middle school bans public displays of affection; parents urge change
updated 8:57 p.m. CT, Tues., Nov. 6, 2007
MASCOUTAH, Ill. - Two hugs equals two days of detention for 13-year-old Megan Coulter. The eighth-grader was punished for violating a school policy banning public displays of affection when she hugged two friends Friday. “I feel it is crazy,” said Megan, who was to serve her second detention Tuesday after classes at Mascoutah Middle School. “I was just giving them a hug goodbye for the weekend,” she said.
Megan’s mother, Melissa Coulter, said the embraces weren’t even real hugs — just an arm around the shoulder and slight squeeze. “It’s hilarious to the point of ridicule,” Coulter said. “I’m still dumbfounded that she’s having to do this.”
District Superintendent Sam McGowen said that he thinks the penalty is fair and that administrators in the school east of St. Louis were following policy in the student handbook. It states: “Displays of affection should not occur on the school campus at any time. It is in poor taste, reflects poor judgment, and brings discredit to the school and to the persons involved.”

(Full story at: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21661718/?GT1=10547)

You have got to be kidding me. What's next? Placing muzzles on students who smile at one another too much? Automatic removal of vocal cords for laughing too often? Hermetically sealing kids in body plastic to prevent all human contact? Come on, society! This is positively Orwellian and for those of you who don't know what that means, look it up. I have a feeling we're all going to be way too familiar with that word before too long. And just to clarify...I do understand what the school board was trying to prevent (i.e, kids making out on school grounds, etc.). However, considering the fact that these are the very people who are, in theory, teaching our children things such as...oh, I don't know...the English language maybe...I think they could work a little harder at defining their "Public Display of Affection" policy by employing a more intelligent use of said English language so that they might better delineate the intended meaning of the policy from the broad interpretation so obviously being used by the school officials in this case. (taking a deep breath) This kind of blatant stupidity just TICKS. ME. OFF.

Christmas Spirit Award

The lovely Tammy over at My Gentle Retreat passed on the Spirit of Christmas Award to me the other day. Naturally, given my love of all things Christmas, I was thrilled to get this! (I've just been a little slow to pass it on. Sorry about that.) This award is for those who talk about and show the spirit of Christmas in their blogs. What is the Spirit of Christmas you ask? Quite simply it is those that have a generous and giving nature. Those who care about others. Those who have a kind word to say or a broad shoulder to lean on in the times that others need that. Those, indeed, are the ones who display the "Spirit of Christmas". (Given that particular definition, I am doubly flattered to receive this.) I'm supposed to pass it on to five others who also display these qualities. Talk about a tough choice...I think everyone on my blogroll qualifies so narrowing it down to five is somewhat of a challenge! But here goes...

My Aunt Sandi over at Holding Patterns. I chose her because I know that she has a generous and giving nature. And she also loves Christmas like I do. Who would be better qualified, right? And then I chose Jayne at Country Cottage Chic. She's a Christmas nut, too! And while she may be a little "competitive", shall we say, when it comes to Christmas Queen titles, I know that she's really a sweetheart and an all around wonderful person. Next is Sophie at Sophie Honeysuckle's English Decor What a great person! She embodies what all of us want to be - sweet, kind hearted, generous, lovely and kind. Most of you know her so I probably don't even need to say another word, do I? Then I have Jodie, my daughter-in-law. She's a Christmas lover as well and also has a sweet and generous nature that makes me grateful that Nicholas found her. My fifth choice is Brenda at Country Romance. Brenda is so kind-hearted and blogs for pretty much the same reasons I do. I enjoy my visits to her blog so much and think you will, too. And you know what? I'm not real good at following rules so I'm going to have to pass this on to at least four more people. I mean, really! If I go by the reasons for the award, then how can I leave these four out? I simply cannot. So I'd also like to pass it on to Annie at My Life as Annie, to Kat at Just a Beach Kat, Joan at Joan's Journeys and Karolee at My Montana Moments . These are four of the nicest, most helpful, tender-hearted people I've met here in Blogland and they absolutely deserve this wonderful award. Okay...I'd better stop before I end up passing this on to another 30 people or so. lol

By the way, Aunt Sandi, Jayne, Sophie, Jodie, Brenda, Annie, Kat, Joan and Karolee, click here for the code to the graphic so that you can post it on your blog and pass it on to 5 (or you know, however many you feel the need to) others yourself!

The You Make Me Smile Award

Pat over at Back Porch Musings and Vee from A Haven for Vee have both passed this award on to me. How flattering, although I sometimes wonder if maybe my rants come out sounding funnier than I intend simply because I lose focus just a little bit and end up rambling like a lunatic. lol Ah well, doesn't really matter, does it? As long as I can make someone smile, I feel good. So thank you, ladies, for making me feel good by telling me I bring some small measure of joy to your lives!

What Grinds Your Gears?

The other day, my daughter-in-law Jodie did a post about the Top 10 Things that really grinds her gears and then said she thought it would be a fun post for me to do, as well. Of course, anybody that knows me could tell you that I am just full of things that really, really tick me off. I have so many pet peeves that it's a wonder I can manage to keep up with them. But I'll try to whittle the list down to 10. Here goes:

1. Bad Customer Service. Oh this one is big with me! I deplore bad customer service with an almost pathological intensity. Example: Randey, Jacob and I were in a giant electronic store (called Fry's, I believe) in Arlington the other day. They were looking for a wireless card for Jacob's computer. I was there under protest because wow! what a snoozer! A store filled with computer parts, televisions and appliances. Be still my heart. Not. Anyway, I did my walk through of the place, found a card-making/scrapbook magazine and was done with my tour of the much touted Electronic Land (touted by Randey and Jacob who obviously felt the need to make the place sound better than it was just to get me through the doors). I go in search of Randey and Jake (whom I had left upon entry to the place) and discover, much to my chagrin, they haven't moved 20 feet from the spot I'd last seen them. They did, however, have a Fry's employee with them. He was on a ladder, searching for the item they were looking for. Apparently, while the shelves were devoid of said item, the computer said they had 65 of them in stock. After much throwing of little bitty boxes across the top shelf, this skinny little weenie comes down off the ladder and tells them he'll have to go look in the back, but as he's walking away, he muttered "I guess I'll be helping you people for the next hour...at least". Excuse me? Earth calling dipstick! If you're going to insult your customers you might want to make sure they can't hear you!! Although, in retrospect, the little guy may not have known I was with Randey and Jake because I hadn't been with them the whole time and when I did join them, I stood off to the side reading my magazine. And as I was off to the side, along the path this guy had to take to get to the back, I'm the only one who heard what he said. Unfortunately for him, I suffer from what I like to call "menopausal rage" and immediately took off in search of a manager, whom I found fairly quickly near the front of the store. I told said manager that if his employee had something better to do with his time, I certainly could find another store to spend my money in. No problemo. Say the word. Naturally, the manager was appalled blah, blah, blah and right away snagged another employee who was walking by and ordered that he assist us with our Fry Shopping Needs. We did finally get the stupid wireless card, but I gotta tell you...my experience was forever tainted by that little jerk and his mutterings. I won't be shopping there again. Bad customer service is my biggest pet peeve of all time. I didn't shop at Target for over 5 years because of Bad Customer Service and, in fact, have never darkened the doorstep of the Target in Ft. Walton Beach, Florida again because of their Bad Customer Service, nor will I ever. I told you...pathological intensity about this....
2. Another thing that makes me nuts...Blu's dog hair all over my carpets. He's black. My carpet is very light. Usually. Unless it's covered with his dog hair. Then it's just nasty. I'd have to vacuum 4 times a day to keep up with his shedding. I just can't stand it. Blu is Randey's dog and he promised, promised, promised me, before we got another Chow, that he would tend to all the brushing, etc. Well, technically, I guess he's kept that promise because he is the one who brushes Blu-boy out. He just doesn't do it near often enough to keep up with his shedding.
3. Next would have to be stupid phone calls. Stupid and/or long phone calls. I swear, I'm putting a timer next to my phone and once it goes off, the phone call is over. Period. No exceptions. I hate talking on the phone with a passion. Why? Because I can't get anything done when I'm on the phone. Telephones aren't designed the way they were back in the day. Used to be - some time between when phones went cordless and when they went tiny - you could walk around with a phone tucked in between your shoulder and your ear for hours, no problem. My little bitty phones require that you hold them to your ear or they'll fall. This means I can't do anything as long as I'm on the phone. Therefore, an hour spent on the phone is an hour I've missed doing something else...people should say what they've got to say and be done with it. I'd probably answer the phone a whole lot more than I do if I wasn't worried about being stuck on it forever and a day.
4. Speaking of phones, another thing that makes my spine crack is people talking on their cell phone while they're driving. Come on, people! What makes you think that driving 75 miles per hour on the Interstate while talking on a phone is a good idea? Hang.Up.And.Drive.
5. Also on the list is drug users. I'm sorry that your reality isn't all you thought it would be. Really I am. But alter it some other way. Pot heads, crack heads, Valium addicts, drunks...you really and truly grind my gears. Let me tell you something...whilst in your chemically altered state of mind, you are not as funny, as witty or as profound as you like to think. So shut up. Sit down. And detox. Then we'll chat.
6. Being kept waiting. Yeah, that's a big one, too. I've already covered this in another post so I won't bore you again with details.
7. Sensationalist news reporting. That also jacks my jaws. Can't you just report the flippin' news? I don't want your editorials. I don't want your "meaningful pauses" between words. I don't want your asinine questions, such as gems like this; "How did it feel when you thought your loved one was dead?". Honestly, people. What kind of an idiot would ask something like that? Besides 99% of the talking heads on television today, especially that entire group of morons who do the morning shows, I mean.
8. Those big, dumb looking baggy pants that some guys (and even some girls!) wear. The crotch of your pants should not be on the same level as your kneecaps. Not only that, but I have no desire, whatsoever, to see what color boxers you're wearing. Really. I think the wearers of those pants seriously overestimate the interest of the general public in their undergarments. Because eeeeewwwww.
9. Menopause. Menopause really torques me up, too. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. Can't seem to get past those 2 words right now so I'll just stop.
10. Finally, this is a pet peeve that kind of actually mystifies me. I don't know why it burns my butt like it does, but boy...it does. I cannot stand for someone to misuse the word "literally". You see, that phrase "burns my butt", that's figuratively speaking. Not literally. I mean, if it was literal, that would mean my arse was feeling the affects of an actual, physical burn. For some reason, people today use "literally" in place of "figuratively" all the d*mn time. Maybe "figuratively" has too many syllables for them or maybe it's just harder to pronounce. I don't know. But I can assure you, those two words are as far from interchangeable as you can get. I was watching a design show the other day and the host actually told the homeowner "I'm so glad you like it! My heart was literally beating outside my chest!". Well no it wasn't, Idiot. You'd have gotten blood, and possibly gore, all over that new room you'd just decorated if your heart was literally beating outside your chest. Urrrgh! I've heard newscasters misuse this word, too. I've heard it misused in dramas on tv, in the movies and a whole lot in real live. Stop the madness! We, as a society, are actually (i.e.; literally) changing the meaning of words by virtue of the fact that a word is so misused that its meaning becomes something else entirely! Grab a thesaurus. Look up the word figurative. Now look lower, where it lists the antonyms of figurative. Literal will most likely be the first word listed. Because they are opposites! I won't say that continued misuse of these words will drive me insane. But it is a possibility. Literally.

So what about you guys? What really grinds your gears, burns your butt and/or jacks your jaws? If you choose to do this post, please let me know in a comment so I can be sure to hop (figuratively speaking, of course) on over to check it out.

So Much Absurdity, So Little Time

It has recently come to my attention that I am surrounded by the absurd. Although I guess absurdity is actually a matter of perspective. Something I may think is totally ridiculous may be something perfectly mundane to you. Let me show you what I'm talking about....See this little guy? He's what I got to stare at for about 2 days in a row. For some reason, this grasshopper attached himself to the screen on the window right behind the computer monitor. Every time I looked up, there he was. Through blazing sunshine and through a wicked little rainstorm...he never wavered. Two whole days. He never even moved an inch either way. I wondered what made that spot so attractive to him. And I hope whatever it was doesn't re-occur because I have no desire to stare at his funky self again.
See this watermelon? I think it's absurd. Why, you ask? Because, A) it actually grew in our backyard and, B) it split open about a day after this picture was taken, and C) out of the 4 watermelon plants we planted, this is the only one that grew. And it was gone before we ever got to love it. Therefore, I can't help but feel that this sweet little melon was nothing but absurd.
This is my granddaughter, Maddy. You gotta love this picture. She looks like she's fixin' to belly up to the bar and demand a whiskey with a beer chaser. Maddy was forever grabbing her daddy's hat and putting it on (usually backwards). This was a look for her that my son almost cultivated. He thought it was funny. I did not. Until I saw this picture. It's absurd.
Does this picture really need any explanation as to why it's absurd? Bless his little pea-pickin' heart. He looks like Spike from the Gremlins. So ugly, he's cute. Elwood has a face that, truly, only a mother could love, you know? Speaking of loving mothers, let me ask ya'll this; Have you ever heard a mother say to her child, "Honey, you're not that ugly". Of course not. So why do some mothers think it's okay to say to their child "Honey, you're not that big". Isn't that just as bad? Speaking from experience, I'm gonna go with yeah, it's just as bad. And absurd.

Sydney the Wonder Dog taking a nap. In the chair. Under the blanket. Absurd. (But oh so cute).
Sydney the Wonder Dog taking another nap (he takes a lot of naps...he's a growing boy). Notice his little tongue sticking out? He's so darn cute it's absurd.
Sydney the Wonder Dog showing us his whole tongue. Who knew there was so much of it? Absurdly long, I must say.
This is a picture Jacob took of Kaleb on a road trip to Oklahoma. He wanted to dog his brother for sleeping with his mouth open. Mean, tacky and absurd.
This is a picture of Jacob taken by me to show him how fun it's not to have somebody make fun of how you look when you're sleeping in a car. Everyone, even Jacob, tends to look absurd sleeping in a car. Does this make me mean and tacky, too? Nah. I'm the mom. This was a lesson for him. Nothing mean, tacky or absurd about that. Right?

Kaleb, Randey and Jacob (and Sydney the Wonder Dog). Randey was showing off his Nascar ticket order form for the November race at Texas Motor Speedway and his new t-shirt that the boys bought him for his birthday. The t-shirt says "Hangin with my Gnomies". Yeah. Absurd.

These are our stairs. I think there's only something like 15 steps in total. Feels more like about 300. I'm constantly running up and down, up and down, up and down...about a million times a day. As much exercise as I get going up and down these stupid stairs, I oughta have a butt like a Playboy Playmate. Instead, my rear end is more like the Playboy Mansion. Roomy and slightly obscene. Oh and yeah, the stairs do need vacuuming. But the thought of me doing them? Absurd. Really absurd.

This sign is for sale at Ross's. It's been for sale for about 2 months. Gee whiz, I wonder why? I'm thinking that this is what happens when you contract with factories in foreign, non-English speaking countries to do your signs. They might just accidentally misspell something. Which thing is more absurd? The misspelled words or the fact that Ross's is convinced they can sell it?
These flippin' Dayturas are totally absurd. I think they're indestructible, no? I can't even count the number of times I've cut them back this year alone. And yet they just keep growing more and more. Absurd.
Check out all the purple ornaments at Garden Ridge this year. I started doing a purple themed tree about 6 years ago when we lived in Florida. My dining room and kitchen were done in a "grape" motif so, naturally, the tree for the dining room had to be all purple and white and sparkly. Do you know how hard it was to find purple ornaments 6 years ago? I haven't done my purple tree for the past 2 years. And now they come out with a selection like this. Absurd.
I think these Christmas trees (also at Garden Ridge) speak for themselves. They're saying "We're absurd. Not our colors! Those are...interesting. Vibrant even. But our prices. Wow! Now they're absurd".
A big honkin' giant lives in my backyard. These are plaster casts of his footprints. Think I'm lying? Well duh. Come on. A giant in my tiny little backyard? What? You think he sleeps in the shed? That'd just be totally absurd, don't 'cha think?

And speaking of absurd (which we have been doing , if you'd have been paying attention!!), I just came back from (blog) visiting my very special British friend, Sophie Honeysuckle. You must click on this if you want to see something absolutely absurd and hysterically funny to boot. Do it. I insist. If you don't laugh out loud at what you see, you may qualify for a disability check every month because you most assuredly have suffered from a severe loss of your sense of humor (and if that doesn't qualify as a disability, I don't know what does)!

Paying Forward this Beautiful Award

It's time (or passed time, to be more accurate!), for me to forward this particular You Lift Me Up award to a few people. First to Teresa. You lift me up with your funny comments and your great posts (which are entirely too few and far between, I might add! Can't. Get. Enough. of. Them!!!). Way back when she posted about trying to get her dog "a date"...that was just funny stuff. And you should see the flowers she does for weddings. Seriously spectacular. Yessir. Also, I would like to forward this to Annie. I suspect that most of ya'll already know Annie, so I probably don't even have to explain my reasons. But for those of you who are unfamiliar with her, listen up. Annie displays a faith and determination that will lift you up like nothing in this world can. She has the most single-minded belief that all will work out the way God intends it to. Fear, doubt, anxiety? Not Annie. Those emotions come to her and she shows them the door. I admire her greatly and marvel at her ability to always look up and forward! Oh and she's got kids that look like they came straight out of some Renaissance paintings (i.e, they are perfectly gorgeous!) and she made my signature thingy. Sure, you're thinking that the signature thingy doesn't really compare to the gorgeous children, and you're right about that. Please note, I did mention the children first. My priorities are in order, don't you worry. Next, I would like to forward this award to Stephanie because first of all, she's such a nice person. Her posts are lovely and her personality just shines through. And second of all, because she posts Rose Porn. I'm not making this up. Ask her daughter. She's the one who named it that. And speaking of Stephanie's daughter, I would also like to forward this award to her. Her name is Heather and she is something else! Head on over to her blog, look at the pictures of her kids and then tell me you don't feel like your spirits have been lifted. These are beautiful, beautiful children. Between her kids and Annie's kids...well let's just say these children are truly "the beautiful people" you hear so much talk about. And Heather is...let's see now...sweet isn't the right word. But neither is sarcastic, although that might actually come a little closer. lol No, she's somewhere in between, which I consider to be the perfect combination. I like a little sarcasm mixed in with sweetness, thankyouverymuch. It's how I roll. It's how all of us should roll. Or maybe not. That might get confusing.... And, by the way, another reminder...Heather is hosting a giveaway in honor of her 37th (snicker, snicker) birthday. Click on the word "giveaway" and you'll, A) see why I'm snickering and, B) see what she's giving away. It's one of those giveaways that has me stomping my feet saying "I want it. I want it now". So while I'm encouraging all of you to enter, I'd just as soon you entered under my name. Just kidding. Gosh. Don't be so literal. Or uptight. Or downright snippety. If you don't want to enter under my name, then fine. 'Course, should you win, you'll probably never be able to enjoy your prize without thinking of how you robbed me blind and left me crying my eyes out in the dust. Well, you might be able to enjoy it. It is a great prize. But still...ya'll let your conscience be your guide, okie-dokey?

Answers to Some Comments

Have you ever wanted to write an advice column? I used to think I did. Now I know better. If someone asks me for advice these days, I usually freeze up and say "My advice is...Life's tough. Get a helmet". Apparently, that isn't as comforting to hear as perhaps one intended it to be. And what does that have to do with this post? Absolutely nothing. That blathering was totally random and I have no idea where it came from. So let's move on, shall we? This here is a "I'm Gonna Answer a Bunch of Comments at One Time" column, has nothing to do with advice and, have no fear, will not be a recurring feature. Although, that's not to say I won't ever do it again, I just mean I won't torture you needlessly with doing it on a regular basis. I hope. Anywho, here goes:
I've received several comments regarding my new wreath banner/header. A) Thank you for you compliments. I'm pretty darn happy with it, too. B) All the credit, other than the actual photography, should go to Joan at Joan's Journeys. She's the one who told me how to do it. Here's what she told me to do... Find a picture on your computer that you want to use. Now you have to change the dimensions on that photo. To do that, right click on the picture. This will bring up a menu and, on that menu, click the "edit" button. This will take the photo to a program called "paint". Click on the "image" button. This will pull down another menu. Click on "attributes". You must change the numbers shown in the "width" and "height" fields. Joan originally changed her numbers to width 718 and height 388. These numbers didn't work quite right for me (I have no idea why) so I used
630 width and 472 height. After changing the numbers, I clicked on "file" and "save picture as", gave the photo a name and put it in a folder that I use for blog pictures. Then I went back to my blog and, in the upper right corner, clicked on "customize". From there, I clicked on "template" and then "header". There, I added the picture and voila', it worked! Then I went back to "template" and into "fonts and colors" and changed the "blog title color" to the color I wanted. Next, Joan is also the one who taught me to do links showing a person's name or even just a word without having to type out an entire web address. I would love to relay that information to you, but blogger doesn't seem to like the directions typed out in a post because it keeps converting the instructions to weird things when I go to view it. Joan explained it so well to me and I sure wish I'd saved the e-mail she sent me. Her directions were much clearer than the ones I was trying to give anyway. But if I'd saved her e-mail, then I could just forward it to anybody who asked. Which brings me to another point: those of you who do not have your e-mail enabled! Do you know how hard it is for a blogger to reply to something you've said in a comment on their blog if you don't have your e-mail enabled? It means that for anyone to respond to you, they have to go back and post their reply on one of your posts and if your post has nothing to do with the comment they're responding to, well they end up sounding like a goober and who, besides me, will make a habit out of sounding like a goober? Hardly anyone! So for Pete's sake, go to Edit Profile" from your dashboard and check the "Show my e-mail address" box! Or live forever wondering if you're being ignored by people all over Blogland!
Now I'm moving on to an actual question that I'd like to ask. Is there some sort of Blogging Etiquette that dictates you should ask a person before you add their blog to your list of favorites? I've had people ask me if it was okay for them to add me (which I love and adore! lol) but then it leads me to wonder if I should have been asking all those out there who are on my list of favorites if it was okay before I put them on my list. Anybody know? I mean, if I was supposed to ask, well heck...it's a little late, I didn't ask, I'm writhing in shame, etc., etc., etc. Sorry to anyone I offended!! And if you don't have to ask, well...whew! Saved from the knowledge that I've committed faux pas upon faux pas since my entry into the Land of Blogging. And just one more thing before I'm done....how in the heck do you guys do the signature thing at the bottom of your posts? Kat has a signature thingy, Annie has a signature thingy, Michelle at Big Blueberry Eyes has a signature thingy - come on guys! Share the love - and the instructions - on how to do that! Please? Pretty please? I'm obviously not above begging. I'm just not sure if I should have to. Fine. I'm begging. Down on my knees, pleading pitifully, whimpering even. Please, share your knowledge 'ye young wise ones!
And remember people, in the immortal words of somebody whose name I can't remember..."Life's tough. Get a helmet". (I just love saying that. Have no idea why.)

I'm Plagiarizing Sally Field (Old School Style) and am Happy to Do It!

Okay, ya'll are not going to believe this, but Sandi over at Whistlestop Cafe Cooking has given me another "You Lift Me Up" award! I don't even know what to say! I mean, I'm not speechless, for pity's sake. You'd probably have to cut my tongue out for that to happen, but I am in quite the flutter. First, my Aunt Sandi (who created this wonderful award) graces me with it and now Sandi does. I feel like there may be a slight chance that Sandi's husband Bill has encouraged her to give me this award out of pity (this harps back to the infamous "no comment" comment from Sandi that almost sent me into therapy. Or should I say even more therapy.) But I prefer to think it's not out of pity, but out of love. :) The inside of my head sounds like a replay of that famous Sally Field Oscar moment...no, not the most recent Emmy moment. I'm talking about the one from years ago, at the Oscars. Remember it? "You like me! You really like me!" It's obvious I'm getting a wicked case of The Big Head if I'm starting to channel those crazy actor types. I fully expect my Aunt Sandi to smack me back down to earth tomorrow and she'll be right to do it. She'll say something along the lines of "Do you want me to call your mama and tell her you've gone Hollywood?" and I'll say "No, ma'am" and will start down my path to humbleness with all due haste. But in the meantime, You Like Me! You Really Like Me!!! Thank you so much, Sandi. This means an awful lot to me!

The You Lift Me Up Award

My wonderful, sweet Aunt Sandi has given me this award because, for some unknown reason, she seems to feel like I "lift her up". How crazy is that? Of the two of us, it's abundantly plain to anyone who knows us the slightest little bit that she's the one who does most of the "lifting" in our relationship! When I'm feeling down, she's the one telling me to pull myself together and press on. When I'm feeling goofy, she goes right along with it. When I'm feeling crazy, she just puts on her helmet and hangs on for the ride. And she thinks I'm lifting her up. I don't get it, but Aunt Sandi, I sure appreciate the thought of it. Thank you so very much! There are many others I would pass this award on to, but I have three people in particular that I would like to mention by name: Joan, over at Joan's Journeys, Susie Q at Rabbit Run Cottage and Tauna at TaunaLen. I don't have to explain to you guys why you lift me up, do I? You're all funny and kind and I love exchanging e-mails with you. I know that Kat at Just a Beach Kat and Sophie at Sophie Honeysuckle's English Decor' have already received this award, but if I could double award it, I would. Well, heck, why can't I? No reason that I can see, so yeah, I'm awarding both of you again! There are several more that I would like to name, but I'm afraid if I gave it to all 30 of you, you wouldn't believe that I meant it, you know? But in actual fact, all of you that I correspond with via blogs Lift Me Up! You validate that what I'm feeling is real and okay (even if it is sometimes way out there in right field). You make me feel like I'm not alone and probably most importantly, you let me feel like I can contribute something to someone at sometime. And isn't that we all want? To contribute to something worthwhile? All of you are so welcoming and giving and I thank you for being my bloggin' buddies. This has become such a big part of my life in such a short period of time. And I wouldn't change it for anything!

Heather's Having a Birthday Giveaway!

Guess who's having a birthday today? I know, a lot of birthday stuff has been on my blog this month, but this time, it's not me or mine who's celebrating. Heather over at Splaneyo is turning ....well, let's just say she's younger than me by a long shot so what difference does the actual number make anyway, right? Miss Heather, when not accusing her mother of posting Rose Porn on her blog at Greenie Gardens, can usually be found baking the most fantastic looking cakes or decorating a lovely home or caring for 3 of the most adorable little children on the planet. And, seeing as how she's blessed with a sweet and generous nature, has decided to celebrate her birthday in the best way possible. She's giving something away! And look what it is? You get your choice of one of these purses:


You know, I would say, don't even bother to enter because that bottom purse has given every indication that it has chosen me to win, but the fact is, I just don't win contests. It's not how things work for me. So...since I'm obviousy not going to be the lucky one, I'd like to see everybody and their mother enter this just to make the competition between all of you a little more fierce. How's that for being the polar opposite of Heather? lol So get yourselves over to Heather's blog and enter to win! (And really, who am I kidding? I know I never, ever win...but a part of me is sitting here saying "I hope I win, I hope I win" over and over to myself!)

I'm A-Pickin' AND I'm A-Grinnin'

Do ya'll remember Hee-Haw? With Roy Clark and Buck Owens? They always did that segment where one would sing "I'm a-pickin" and the other would answer "and I'm a grinnin' ". Oh, just go with me on this one...because it describes how I'm feeling right now. Tammy over at My Gentle Retreat has graced me with this award:
How great is that? What a wonderful award to receive! Don't you feel like you've really, really accomplished something if you can make another person smile? I do. So thank you so much, Tammy. I appreciate it! And now I get to pass it on to a few people, too. So I've thought this over because, while I love reading everyone's blog, a few of them actually bring a smile to my face just about everytime I read what they write. Some blogs make me dream, some make me cry, some make me hope, some make me believe! Some make me think, some make me wonder, some of them even make me ashamed because I don't measure up to their author's goodness. But some blogs, usually in addition to one of these feelings, also make me smile. So here's a few of those: Joan because she has such an unabashed love of her husband, her family and her life, Kat because she is facing menopause with grace and humor (how can you do that, woman!) and, having learned the hard way just how much of an effort that is, I smile everytime I think of her, Kat ( a different "kat" than our Beach Kat) because she writes posts that will leave your head spinning with exhaustion as she describes her day to day life. Then, of course, there's Cassie because everytime I see a comment from her in my inbox, I know that a) she's going to say something to make me smile and b) I can go over to her blog and read a post that will also make me smile, Susie Q because...oh come on! Surely most of ya'll read her blog, don't you? You should already know why I smile everytime I visit her! And everyone also knows Sophie, right? Of course you do. Therefore, you know why I smile when I think of her, too. She's so charmingly British - and she always seems to be honestly amazed that any of us are so fascinated with her life! Crazy British chick. And I can't leave out Teresa because well...to read her is to love her. She's just so flippin' happy most of the time. And even when she's not, her "furiously angry"is like my "gee, I'm feeling ever so slightly less than sparkly". I don't think she knows what it means to be truly grumpy (but, sssshhhhh, don't tell her - she thinks she can be quite the terror at times! lol). And last, but by no means least, is Tauna. I have to smile when I read her blog (and her e-mails). Mainly because anybody who can get that much joy from the English language deserves a smile! And also because I find her writing to be extremely visual in that she paints beautiful pictures in my mind using words. I love that. Who doesn't? So these are who I'm passing this awesome award to. Okay, so the truth is, I could probably name lots and lots more, but do you have any idea how exhausting it is putting in those name links? Not to mention sending the messages notifying them. Geez...I'll be on the computer for hours just finishing the ones I've already nominated. Maybe I should have gotten "The Lazy Blogger" award instead, huh? I'm not lazy, though, I swear it! Just more like technologically challenged. All this linking is making my brain ache.Finally, I am shocked, hurt and appalled at the lack of response for my Christmas ornament giveaway! Guys! It's Christmas ornaments!! What could be better? It's not like they're used, you know. Unless Hobby Lobby, Tuesday Mornings, Ross's and my locally owned and operated Hallmark store are all combining to pull a fast one on me. I very carefully scoured this town (and the next) looking for special ornaments for my blogging buddies out here in Blogland and only about 20 of you have signed up! Although, let me say this - THANK YOU, YOU 20 PEOPLE! I wish you all the best of luck. And for the rest of you who are turning your perky little noses up at my ornament giveaway, you just don't know what you might be missing! There's still time to sign up, though. Just go to this link and leave a comment to be eligible. You have until I fall out of bed Wednesday morning and come upstairs to print out the comments for the drawing!

My Tale of Addiction

You know, I'm just going to come right out and say it. It's a bold thing to do, but I'm feeling the need for some hard core honesty. Brace yourselves because...here goes. I AM A COMMENT HOG. Yes, I know. It's wrong. It's allllll wrong. But it's what I am. I mean, it's not all I am, but it is some of what I am. I love getting comments. And I know I'm not the only one. In fact, I suspect there's a lot of closet comment hogs out here in Blogland. So why the sudden need to blurt this out? Well, I'll tell you. There's nothing sudden about it, buddy. I've been thinking about this for a while, a good long while. I've been thinking about it because it kind of bothers me that I feel this way. What kind of a dork gets all excited and fluttery at the sight of comments left on her blog? Apparently, the kind of dork who is about 5'4 1/2" tall, weighs *&#$* pounds and has a bizarre and not too flattering mixture of Miss Clairol #43R and Home Grown Gray hair color. And since that's the kind of dork that gets that way about receiving comments, I have no choice but to admit to it because that description fits me to a T. (I admit with a sigh. A very heavy sigh). I just read on someone else's blog the other day how she was so frustrated because she knew there were many people coming by and reading her blog, but they just weren't leaving comments. (I'm assuming she has a type of "counter" program that allows her to track visitors). And I said, "well, Amen, sister. I hear 'ya. It happens to me, too". (Yeah, I talk out loud to people who aren't here. What of it?) Hey, wait a minute...could that be why folks come read my stuff then leave without so much as a fare-thee-well? They sense my instability? Nah. I've read lots of unstable stuff here in Blogland. Hasn't stopped me from saying "howdy-doody" to them. However, while I'm unburdening myself about this embarrassing shortcoming, I feel it's only right to say that I, too, have been known to read a post and not leave a comment. But that doesn't happen all that often. Sometimes I just can't think of anything to say in response. Other times, I can't type a coherent sentence because the comment thingy doesn't have spell-check which puts me at a severe disadvantage. Yeah, okay - that's a pretty lousy excuse. But it's true so get off me. And no, I don't want everyone who reads this post to leave a comment. Well, actually, I do, but if you're not going to do it more than this one time, then what's the point? How long do you think that warm and fuzzy feeling I got from reading your one little ol' comment is going to last me? I'll need more comments. More, more, more. And herein lies the problem...comments are like morphine (maybe...that is, if morphine is addictive. It is addictive, isn't it? Let's assume it is so this analogy will make sense, eh?). Anywho, I think we can all agree that addictions are ugly, cumbersome beasts, but I think we're all afflicted with them, in one form or another. Some addictions are big, some are small. Some are easier to conquer than others. I mean really now. If I can quit smoking cigarettes after 25 years, surely I can kick this comment addiction, too, right? But half the battle is admitting there's a problem. So here goes.

People, I'll not hide from this monster any longer. I'm coming out of the closet (so to speak). So please, hear me and hear me well...My name is Kari and I am a Comment Hog. (sob, sob, sob)

***EDITED TO ADD: Tammy over at My Gentle Retreat explained about replying to comments in her post (near the bottom) of September 8th. I'm editing this to include her link because several people (including me, until Joan clued me in) didn't have their e-mail address enabled so those who wanted to reply to a comment I left, couldn't do so directly. Life is much easier for me now that I've "fixed" that little problem. Thank you, Joan! And thank you Tammy for explaining it to everyone in Blogland!

They Say It's My Birthday...

but, it isn't. Sorry guys. While I appreciate your birthday wishes oh so much, I have to tell you...today isn't the day! My Aunt Sandi is the one who started this rumor, I believe! But you can't blame her. By all accounts (except his!), my uncle wrote the date wrong in the book. To be honest, I can see where there could possibly be some confusion. My sister Sherri's birthday is September 4th. My cousin Sunshine's birthday is September 8th. My birthday is September 12th. We're all crammed in there together so I can see where one might get the date wrong. But what's in a date, right? The birthday wishes are still mighty appreciated!

Now here's the deal...I was going to announce a giveaway on my blog today. I took pictures, got everything all ready and then got distracted by other things...I had to tell you guys about Kat's mom and dad and their HRT patch, then I had to tell you about Tauna's , Julie's and Sue's Autumn postings and then I absolutely had to give a definition of Mojo because Marcia at Joy is My Goal and others had asked for it...well, before I knew it, I had already put 3 other posts up today! (Makes you wonder - how much can one person post in one day? Although, to be honest...3 or even 4 in one day isn't my "record" number...). It's either feast or famine with me, isn't it? So - in the interests of not being such a total Blog Pig today, I'll hold off on the giveaway post until tomorrow. And since my birthday is indeed September 12th, and I know for a fact that it's much better to give than to receive, that's when I'll draw the winner. So check back with me tomorrow to see what I'm giving away! Here's a hint: It has to do with the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...(oh act like you're surprised that I'd have a Christmas themed giveaway!).

P.S. Aunt Sandi - you're not going to believe this, but I just saw the UPS truck drive right past my house. I guess he couldn't see it (even though we live on the corner and we're the only two story house on the street and therefore, are pretty darn hard to miss!) I fear that the poor UPS VP's ear will never be the same if his driver doesn't open his eyes soon, will it?

The Banner Blues

Hello, fellow bloggers. 'Tis I, the Village Idiot. I come to you seeking help. Now before your eyes start glazing over and you hit that back button, take a moment and listen to me, please. Shouldn't all of us, as good citizens of Blogland, strive to help each other whenever possible? Isn't it almost incumbent upon each and every one of us to share blogging tips and techniques when asked? Eh? Isn't it? Wouldn't you want to enlighten the ignorant if given the chance? Of course you would. And here I am. The ignorant. Now's your big chance. Enlighten me. Would someone out there please tell me how to make a banner for my blog? Hello? Anyone there? Hello? It suddenly got very quiet. HelLOOOOOOOOO! My good friend Joan over at Joan's Journeys taught me how to insert a link without showing the whole URL or whatever it's called. See? I'm teachable. Now please. Someone teach me something new. Like this banner thing. I see all these cool banners out there and I so wish I had one. Don't get me wrong - I don't just want it for me. Noooo. I want it for you, too. You few, you brave, you crazy ones - who keep coming back and reading my blog. I want you guys to have something lovely to gaze upon. See? I'm so, so selfless. Really. If even just one of you could help a sista out here and tell me how to do this, I'd be ever so grateful. And if more than one of you would help me out, well...actually, that'd probably be better since I am somewhat technologically challenged, as they say, and may need to hear the same thing said several different ways before it actually sinks in. So what do you say? Willing to reach out and help a fellow blogger? Anyone? Anyone at all? Oh come on, people! I'm begging you here. Help me! Please! Eliminate ignorance wherever you can! Help me. Hellllllp meeeeeee! Or not. The choice is yours. Let your conscience be your guide. I'll be fine without a banner. I've gotten by all this time without one. I can soldier on, bannerless and alone. It's fine. Don't worry, if it's just too much trouble. I'll still smile upon your banners with all the sweetness my poor shrunken soul can muster. (hmmmm. Too much? Yeah, I thought so. I'll stop. I've pleaded and begged. Now we'll just see what comes of it).

The Following Post is...Disturbing. Or it Shows that I'M Disturbing. Or Maybe Just Disturbed. It's Hard to Tell. YOU Be the Judge.

Yep. That's me. Dufus. You can call me Dufe for short. And let me tell you why....I went to Ross's today, looking for some fall decorations because, as I believe we've all decided here in Blogland, September 1st is an acceptable - nay even a preferable - date to begin autumn decorating and my supply of cool (no pun intended) fall do-dads is woefully sparse. So...I go to Ross's and, lucky me, I see what I'm looking for right when I step inside their door. All kinds of Halloween and fall stuff. Not wanting to look like a total fruit basket, I bypassed the Halloween things and went on over to fall. Oh come on. Halloween? Now??? Christmas on September 1st? Yeah, okay. Halloween? You'd be crazy to even try. (And why does that actually make sense to me? I'm somewhat disturbed that it does. Now stop it. We don't need any "Kari is disturbed" comments just yet. You'll have an even better reason for saying it by the time we get to the end of this tale.) Okay, moving on. I stepped over to the last aisle that featured the aforementioned fall decorations. I picked up a few things. Ooooohhh'd and Aaaaaah'd over a few others. Picked up a huge cornucopia. Saw the price. Put it down. Picked up, oh I don't know...something. I can't even remember what it was. It contained dried flowers, I do remember that much. As I picked up this item, I apparently flipped it over to see the other side. At about the same time, I glanced down at my shirt. Eeeeeck! And I do mean EEEEECK! A spider. A spider sitting on my left breast. I. Damn. Near. Fainted. (Pardon the cursing, I beg you). The world started spinning, I tried to scream, but nothing came out...it was awful. Then I took action. I proceeded to beat my chest with my right arm, as hard as I could. I looked like a one armed Tarzan in heat. I started jumping up and down. I saw something fly off of me, but didn't see where it went. That's when it occurred to me that it might have landed on my head. In my hair. I started shaking my head and rubbing my hair like a madwoman. And I still couldn't scream. I hopped, I slapped, I whimpered, I shook...all the while looking for this horrific creature that had dared to sit upon my bosom. I never did see it. Of course, I was traumatized beyond words. My skin was flushed, I was freaking out, it felt like things were crawling all over me. Yick. Awful. Just awful. So anywho, I twitched and twaddled my way over to a full length mirror on the other side of the store, spun around in front of it a few dozen times, bent over, shook my hair, patted my body down like I was a cop at central booking ...nothing. No spider. Whew. I spent the next 30 minutes perfecting my twitch and trying to think of happier things. And then a stray thought flitted through my mind. I thought, "Hmmmmmm. I don't know that I've ever seen a pumpkin orange and chocolate brown spider before. Was that a spider?" Okay. So here's the thing. When I glanced down and saw that "thing" on my chest, I flipped out pretty quickly. The slapping and shaking started almost immediately, although it felt like I was moving through molasses. But, upon further reflection, I've come to the conclusion that I was beating the T-total fool out of myself over a piece of dried flower that had fallen off "the object" and unto my chest. See? Told you there'd be a better reason to call me "disturbed". Thank God everyone was either too scared or too polite to approach me during my Tarzan moment. I might have had to do my future blogging from the looney bin. And wouldn't that be...uuuhh, what's the word? oh yeah...disturbing.

Des at Peeking Thru the Sunflowers is Having a Giveaway!

Great news, guys! Des over at Peeking Thru the Sunflowers is having a wonderful giveaway to celebrate her 50th post! Go over there and leave a comment to enter. And then, when you're done putting your name in the hat, take a few minutes to read her blog, if you haven't already discovered it. The pictures of her "before and afters" will blow you away (and make you sick with envy, but you'll get over that. I did. I think. Well, I'm almost over it. Yeah. Okay. I'm lying. I'm not over it, but I am coping.) I know how scary it can be, leaving yourself open for a bad case of Decorator Envy, but be brave! Go check it out . They're awesome transformations and well worth the risk! And for those of you smart enough to enter the drawing, GOOD LUCK!

I've Been Tagged - The Name Game

Cassie slapped me with a tag bright and early this morning! I don't know if my brain is awake enough to handle this, but I'm gonna give it a shot. Here are the rules for those that choose to follow them: Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had. When you are tagged you need to write your own blog post containing your own middle name game facts. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Little did I know, blogging would change my whole way of thinking, coping and even looking at things!
Energy is what I miss most about my long-lost-youth (and even my so-recently-passed 30's)
I'm oh so ready for cooler weather to arrive!
Girly stuff is my new obsession (and I had to wait until I was 43 to start this???).
Hot flashes - it's whats for dinner. And breakfast. And lunch. And every other waking moment.

Now let's see who I should torture with a tag....(just kidding - I think tags are fun. The things you learn....). I tag Joan, Aunt Sandi, Marcia, Jodie and Sue. Now let me get to the business of notifying these people. Thank goodness I don't have a middle name as long as Cassie's! Whew!

I Saw a Sign....

Ahhhhh. Words to live by, eh?

Terrible Twos!

I saw this on Kat's and then Annie's sites. Thought it'd be fun to do (and I love the title). If you read this, please do it, too (and let me know so I can go read yours)!

1. Two Names You Go By: Kari and Sissy
2. Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now: A Glorious New Sundress (I'm that happy with this dress!) and The World's Most Uncomfortable Bra (yeah, that's the official name. Just christened it that myself.)
3. Two Things You Want In A Relationship: Love and Lust. Well. Perhaps I should clarify that answer. I'm assuming we're talking about a relationship as in "marital". Right?
4. Two of Your Favorite Things to Do: Cook and Clean.
5. Two Things You Want Very badly At the Moment: A Nip in the Air and a Hint of Snow!
6. Two Pets You Had/Have: Sydney the Wonder Dog (an extremely intelligent and gorgeous hunk of a Chihuahua) and Blu-Boy the Black Chow.
7. Two People Who Will Fill This out First: Well, I don't know. Hope you all do. I like learning new things about you.
8. Two Things You Did Last Night: (Loved Kat's answer to this!) I took a nice long bath and watched Monk and Psych on TiVo.
9. Two People That Live In Your House: Kaleb and Jacob.
10. Two People You Talked To Last: my sister Sherri and my dearly beloved Randey
11. Two Things You're Doing Tomorrow: wash bedclothes (the in-laws are headed back to Florida in the a.m. so I guess I'll get the room ready for the next guests) and balance my checkbook (had a lot of fun shopping while they were here - tomorrow I'll have to face the music and see what damage I've done. lol)
12. Two Longest Car Rides: from Florida to Montana and from Oklahoma to New York
13. Name 2 of Your Favorite Holidays: Thanksgiving and Christmas.
14.Two Favorite Beverages: grande latte with low fat milk and whipped cream (yeah - that's just like ordering a giant hamburger and fries with a diet coke) and an unsweet Passion shaken ice-tea lemonade (from Starbucks).

So there you have it. Now you all know me just a little bit better. And, if you were paying attention, you also know that I am a horrible and shameless liar. I refer, of course, to number 4. Cooking and cleaning. Oh yeah - 2 things I just live to do! If Randey were reading this, he'd fall out of his chair laughing. Then I'd have to act all offended and pout for an hour or two - far too exhausting all the way around. lol So I'll go ahead and change my answers now. Two of my favorite things to do: read blogs and talk to my husband and kids. There. Now that's honest enough.