Saturday, February 6, 2010

How To Make Divorce Taste Good (*smirk*)

I've got a big week ahead of me - won't say too much here until I've got actual pictures to show. Suffice it to say, I have two major events I'm really, really, really looking forward to. (And, lest I start a terrible rumor of break-up, let me say right now that my big week has nothing to do with the title of this post!! My big week is good and happy news, all the way around, I promise!) In the meantime, let me continue along my current vein of unpolitical correctness, this time with "Ways to Make Your Divorce Funny". Again...none of this pertains to Randey and me but I received these pictures in an e-mail a while back and they totally cracked me up. The dissolution of a marriage is a bad thing (barring any abuse, of course), but it's good if you can laugh about it at some point, right? So should you ever find yourself in the unenviable position of facing a divorce, why don't you order one of these cakes and celebrate your new-found foray into the World of Uncoupledom. Or whatever you want to call it. This first one is my favorite. LOL

Notice the location of the wedding ring in this next one:
This is such a cliche'. She gets the nice stuff, he gets the garbage. (Like it's the woman's fault she got a better lawyer! Sheesh.)
This little bride seem a tad harsh, eh?
And talk about splitting up! These guys mean business! But the cake looks like it tastes so good....
Remember people! A little laughter can make even a divorce somewhat easier to bear. And cake just helps everything look better. Right? (Kind of sad how obvious it is that I'll make any excuse to eat cake sound better than it is, huh? LOL)
Okay, moving on...can't wait to share my big, fun news with you guys! Hope to do that within a week.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Kettle? Meet Pot....Pot? Meet Kettle.

While I'm being so politically incorrect (see previous post for proof of that), let me just pile it on with this particular post. It kind of feels like the inmates are now running the asylum. Or maybe the fox is now guarding the henhouse. Or maybe the government is now adopting that ultimate of parental commandments, "Do as I say and not as I do". Let me set the scene first...........there I was, surfing the internet, checking out the news, clicking on one story to the next when, 'lo and behold, couched somewhere between the news that so-called "lesser" royals of Great Britain will be taking taxi cabs in an effort to cut back on costs (via edict of the queen) and the story entitled "The Big Fat Lies about Britain's obesity epidemic and why you shouldn't believe the government when it tells you to exercise more and eat less" (yeah, somehow I'd ended up on Great Britain's Daily Mail website, don't ask me to trace my route backwards 'cause I don't think I could), I found a little ditty entitled "Reform begins at home: Michelle Obama puts daughters on a diet as she launches anti-obesity campaign". The story caught my attention because I'd heard that Michelle was going to rescue our youth of today from childhood obesity and I was wondering what her game plan was. As the legend goes (and isn't everything related to the Obamas the stuff of legend?), First Lady Michelle Obama framed her national campaign against childhood obesity in intensely personal terms, relating that her own daughters were starting to get off-track before the family's pediatrician gave her a wake-up call and warned her to watch it.

"In my eyes, I thought my children were perfect," the first lady said. "I didn't see the changes."

But the family's pediatrician, she said, kept a close eye on trends in African-American children and "warned that he was concerned that something was getting off-balance." The doctor "cautioned me that I had to take a look at my own children's BMI," or body mass index, the first lady said.

The first lady said that over the next few months she made some small changes that got her daughters back on track. More attention to portion sizes. Low-fat milk. Water bottles in the lunch boxes. Grapes on the breakfast table. Apple slices at lunch. Colorful vegetables on the dinner table.

Gosh. Tough stuff to figure out, eh? She's so much smarter than the rest of us commoners, isn't she? That's probably why she's going to lead us in the battle against fat. But even the Vaunted Michelle can't do this alone. To assist her, she's signed up none other than our own United States Surgeon General Regina Benjamin! Yowza! Talk about bringing in the "big guns", eh? Well,, yeah. The "Big" Gun, indeed. Take a look at General Benjamin:
Now I'm not saying she's not a competent person. By all accounts I've read thus far, she is. She's apparently a wonderful person, a compassionate neighbor, a dedicated doctor and a fine American. She's also fat. I know some of you are gasping at my lack of tack. "Oh my gosh! How rude and hateful to point out that she's overweight! Being fat doesn't make her bad!", etc., etc., etc. As a person who struggles with weight issues each and every day of my life, I understand that the large size of her pants doesn't make her bad. But being a great person doesn't change the fact that a fat person is standing up there telling us that we need to keep our kids from being fat. Here's a thought! How 'bout you lead by example, General Benjamin? Lose that extra weight you've talked about struggling with. You don't have to tell me it's not an easy thing to do, because I know it's not. I am definitely of the "been there, done that" school of experience. The difference is that never once, in all my fat years (and there were MANY!), did I stand up in front of everyone and suggest that I was going to help lead their children to a thinner, healthier lifestyle. Would anyone have believed me if I had? Of course not! Because I was fat, therefore who could trust in my advice on how not to be fat? But you know, there's going to be people in this country and all over the world, who will stand up and applaud ol' Regina and ol' Michelle as if they're the greatest thing to ever happen to our children when I think it's appallingly obvious that this "campaign" they're launching is just a talking point, an empty promise of a program and a blatant attempt to convince America that our children matter the most to those in Washington. These same people can't even pick a good example to do their preachin' for 'em! It's all bull-hockey.

Wake up, America! We don't need a politician, a politicians wife, a political appointee, a school teacher or even an oracle to tell us how to abolish childhood obesity (for the most part and barring any underlying health issues that are not covered by this discussion! - let's get that caveat in there before somebody briefs me on my lack of sensitivity to the children). We abolish childhood obesity by not buying our children soft drinks and candy bars and Little Debbie snack cakes and potato chips and greasy hamburgers and fried everything. I mean come on, people, if Michelle Obama can figure this crap out, surely the rest of us can to! Or do you honestly believe we need our government's help in even this area of our lives, too. At what point do we start doing for ourselves, America? At what point do we tell Washington we can handle our own business? At what point do we start moving forward because we want to and not because Washington is beckoning us with a handout. (Can you tell I'm against big government, stupid social programs and the dumbing-down of our country? You can? Then good!)

Everyone who is feeling a little peeved that I've dissed Michelle and what I feel is her ridiculous "campaign" and/or that I've committed a grievous social faux pas for pointing out the fact that General Benjamin is overweight, please take the time to figure out why you think that before you brief me in a comment. I'd love to hear your opinions, but only so long as they're not framed as platitudes or trite admonitions. I've had just about all I want to of saying and hearing and seeing political correctness in this country, I truly have. Honest views may not be pretty sometimes, but they're still more valuable than insincerity, at least in my book. And with that, I'll climb down off my soapbox and give it a rest.