And the hits just keep coming...

I would so very much love to follow up my menopause post with something witty, amusing and deeply insightful. But....that's not gonna happen. I got nothing for 'ya. Today will be the 4th day of my HRT. And you know what? Let's just clear this up right now. I know what HRT is supposed to stand for (Hormone Replacement Therapy). That's what they all say anyway. That's actually a great, big, fat lie. It's somebody's idea of a joke - a really bad, bad joke. Through my four days of first hand research, I've discovered that HRT actually stands for Heat Rants and Tears. It's about time someone was honest about this. There IS no mistake. Just to prove it, I've managed to cover all 3 initials this morning alone. Actually, I did it in record time...I woke up, wallering in the HEAT that is taking over my whole entire life, then I followed up with a RANT to a company I'm having an e-mail war with and ended with TEARS because my son's been delayed a day, this company I'm fighting with via e-mail is getting on my absolute last freakin' nerve, my back is killing me - right between my shoulder blades - and Randey called in the middle of it all and said he'd take me to Barnes and Noble at midnight tonight so I could get the Harry Potter book the second it's released. How sweet is that? Randey, I mean. The rest of it? Not so much. I thought these stupid pills were supposed to help???? I know I'm a little off right now, but I could have sworn that doctor said they'd help with the hot flashes right away. Oh and hey, that's another thing. Flashes? What flashes? Does a tidal wave of heat that rolls over my body and takes up residence from my chest to my head really count as a "flash"? In what universe is constant boiling heat considered a flash? I'm thinking a "flash" is more like..."now you see it, now you don't" kind of quick. Not "oh great here comes another wave - let's hope this one doesn't last the next 6 hours like the last one did".
I think I liked it better before the doctor told me what was going on. At least when I thought I was plain ol' crazy, I felt compelled to try and hide it. Now I'm just angry. I'm angry that this is happening and I'm angry that, in this day and age, they haven't come up with something to make it all better...NOW. Is this normal, people? Aren't these pills supposed to work right away? Is that too much to ask? Anybody else experienced this? And hey, here's a question...when I thought I was just crazy, I was so much more tolerant of the heat. Why is it different now? Does my subconscious think that being menopausal is an excuse for being a terror? Surely not. I think I'm just...scared, worried, panicky...wondering (hoping?) if the doctor didn't misdiagnose me and really, rather than going through menopause, I'm really either crazy or maybe even dying from some dreaded disease that's causing me to cook from the inside out. (Yeah - that dang Drama Queen persona rears her ugly head again!) Most of all, though, I'm wondering if I should even be on HRT. Is 4 days too soon to decide? Should I be noticing a change or am I supposed to give it a week or so? Does anybody know? I think this is the worst part of all. Not knowing if what is going on is normal. Did I expect too much from the HRT right away? Should I go slap the living tar out of my doctor for making me think it WOULD make a difference so soon? Or should I just hang in there, STOP RANTING IN MY BLOG, and just wait for these pills to start their magic? Hello? Anybody?

I swear...crazy is just EASIER...