Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Duh-Filled Questions

I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date. No time to say hello, good-bye, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late...

Sorry all you Menopausal Wild Women! I wasn't able to do my post yesterday, due to family obligations (that sounds so flippin' serious, doesn't it?). My dad and step-mother have been visiting since Friday afternoon. They had to head back to Oklahoma this morning. And my sister and her husband have been visiting from Florida since Saturday (they'll be here until this Sunday). Anywho, they have requested that I focus on them during this time instead of my blog (yeah, how inconsiderate is that?) but they are now watching a movie so I'm grabbing my chance while I can. So, since time is apparently of the essence (the movie only last 90 minutes you know!), let's get started...

The other day, Randey and I were discussing his lack of tender loving care towards moi. Okay, so I was discussing it and Randey was standing there with his eyes wide and frightened and generally acting like a deer caught in the headlights. He can be such a goob and I am so sick and tired of seeing that look on his face, you just have no idea! At any rate, there I was, explaining to him with great care and patience and yeah, maybe a little too much volume, that I required much love and assistance with this trying time in my life (i.e, this menopausal hell I find myself in). In the middle of my ...rant, for lack of a better word, Randey speaks up (like that was asked for) and said "Well what the hell is that anyway? What is menopause? I don't even know what that means! How long does it last? What's the next step?". Hello!!! Do I look like freakin' Dr. Phil? Or even Dr. Ruth? (Uh, excuse me, those questions are what we call "rhetorical" and therefore, do not require an answer, thankyouverymuch). However. The fact that he had the unmitigated gall to ask me required that I give him some sort of answers. Unfortunately for my know-it-all-attitude, I was quite unable to produce intelligent sounding answers on such short notice. Oh shut up. You probably would have choked, too. Wouldn't you have? Say yes so we can move on with my dignity in tact. Good. Thank you. Moving on....

So for those of us out there who weren't sure of the difference between being "menopausal" and being "peri-menopausal", listen up. The difference is this; Menopause actually begins when your periods stop. Peri-menopause is what a women experiences prior to menopause. And while peri-menopause is the time when you experience all those wonderful symptoms we've discussed in the past, those symptoms can actually continue to occur for many, many years after the cessation of your period. Exciting stuff, huh? And, just when you thought it was safe to call yourself human again, let me share this little tidbit with you....no one can tell just how long peri-menopausal symptoms will last. It varies widely from woman to woman. Yippee! And the next step? Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha. (I'm laughing hysterically.) Next step, indeed. Let me clarify this point for the uninitiated...peri-menopausal symptoms don't really come in steps. They just happen. One at a time. Or all at the same time. There's no rules. There's no rhyme. There's no reason (other than a woman's body up and decides that her birthing years are coming to an end).

So, to summarize today's lesson, ladies, let me break it down for you like this: Menopause, peri-menopause...call it what you like. Doesn't change these facts. It ain't pleasant. It ain't quick. And it ain't easy. And when your husband asks for "clarification" about all that you're trying to share with him, just remember this: A man is just as capable of doing internet research as you are. And if he really, really cares about you...he won't waste your time asking goofy, duh-filled questions when he can find the answers himself and it's obvious that you have much better things to be spending your time on. Things like timing your hot flashes and watching your weight climb at the rate of about 16 pounds per split second and recording your mood swings on a bar graph just because you like the look of a giant zig-zag and wadding up all the kleenex you've gone through while crying because your husband isn't as sensitive and loving as perhaps he should be and etc., etc., etc....

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  1. Bravo! Well said! Amen! You Go Girl!


  2. I learned something new - I had no idea what the difference between perimenopause and menopause was. Guess I should do a bit of research myself. :)

  3. All I have to say is .....UGH MEN!!!! grrrrr!

  4. Amen Girlfriend!!! Can't say that with enough emphasis!!! Just hate it when hubby says something totally unforgivable like, "Did you forget to take your Lexapro?" Out come the cast iron flying frying pans!!!
    But Kari, you make it sound like it's such a cut & dried body decision--our body decides baby making time is over---I think it's more like that PLUS-- the body, mind & soul turn all the tables on normal life and throw every reasonable routine emotion to the wind. The body decides to go on "insanity overdrive" just to see if women can take it. Yes we can--that's why MEN don't have MENOPAUSE!!!
    Here's a hug!!!

  5. So, what did you do with Randey's head?

  6. I'm going to be 50 in 10 days and I still have my periods every 28 days...I guess I'm peri-menopausal then! lol Oh wow, Randey sure did get brave there eh? By the way, where did you hide his body??? hehe Oh Kari, you had me laughing so much once again, kinda made me forget I was going for one of my famous mood swings! lol xox

  7. Kari,
    Thanks for the lesson but now I'm completely depressed! I flipped to your previous post about the symptoms and I have experienced about 3/4 of them and still do...and I'm only 34! I just had a total abd hysterectomy this past March. I have one ovary left (sorry about the TMI,) so is it possible I'm going through this?? EGADS!! I just thought I was being a bitch! Maybe now I'll be able to blame some female transition to the dark side and stop blaming myself?? No? Whatever!


  8. Kari, I mucho concerned now. All this explains why I thought my mom was a crazy mad woman years ago. Is there any proof that this is hereditary?
    Can one become peri menopausal in her 30s..you know I'm asking for a friend of mine.

  9. So, has Randey been taking instructions from Bill? I so have heard these words come out of HIS mouth. So understanding...NOT. Just buck up sweetie...get a grip. Just stop. Get over it.
    So, where did you bury the body? You can not tell me you actually let him live??
    *evil grin*
    My periods stopped almost one year ago. Just ceased to exist. Then the real fun began...hot flashes and dizziness and forgetfulness and heart palpatations and moodiness and sleeplessness and and and and and and and and...

    Thank you for making me laugh when I most need it. You are a total hoot and so special.

    Now, you tell those guests that your blog readers NEED you. After all, some them are menopausal and on a short fuse anyway...

    Sue, who is happy you had such a great time with your family

  10. Kari-you made me laugh so much when you were talking about Randey being a 'goob'!!! This was such a funny post, men just don't get things the way women do!! They try to be so practical and problem-solvey, asking asking us rational, unwanted questions lol!!!
    Just to let you know we are in the middle of big postal strikes here in the U.K.-I know you asked me before if the thing you had sent me had arrived yet. It hasn't yet, but that could be the reason!
    Have a great week, Kari-speak to you soon xx

  11. This is hysterical! I call it MENTAL PAUSE...and oh the messes it makes out of everything... I think that I'm going to blog my mental pausal journey soon. No woman took me aside and told me what to expect. We need a survival guide, a road map, a satellite connection– don't you think?!

    Hey, thanks so much for dropping by and entering my 100th Post Giveaway. It's very nice to meet you! I love the "wild" humor on your blog!

    Blessings, KJ

  12. Okay...been away, now I'm back and what a catch up day This has been! When The Hub started whining that he didn't know anything about "this area of a woman's life" I got busy. Printed out a list of websites and stuff he could review...if, let's just say, researching something that affected me was as important as researching a new video camera or big screen TV. It worked. :)


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