A Day in the Life

I have been struggling with trying to find something to blog about. I've come to the inescapable conclusion that I just don't have anything to offer right now! I thought I might do a few meme's that I've been tagged with (some as far back as the first week in December!), but I'm coming up blank. In fact, Vee at A Haven for Vee tagged me way back on December 5th, I think, as did Lynne at Lynne's Little Corner. More recently, Jennifer at Dust Bunny Hostage tagged me for a "Give 7 Random Facts About Yourself" meme. Here's the problem, though. I blab so much on this blog that there's just nothing that I can tell you that you don't already know. Seven things is a lot! Really. I mean, I could mention that I watch MXC at night, but that might not mean much to some of you. And for those of you who know what MXC is, well heck...I'm hanging my head in shame that I've exposed that particular secret about myself (she said, blushing furiously). For you higher class folks who don't know what MXC is, let me just assure that it's nothing you should concern yourself about. In fact, forget I mentioned it, okie-doke? I could talk about the fact that I have 6 toes on my left foot, but why would I? First of all, that's just freaky and second of all, it's not even true. I only bring it up because I almost did put it on the list because I just couldn't come up with anything else. (Hey, desperate people can and will make things up and/or lie, you know!) The truth of the matter is, I'm in a boring phase of my life. I'm rather hoping it's just a phase anyway, and not an actual lifestyle. Take today, for example. What'd I do? I went shopping. First I met Randey for lunch. Okay, so I met him for lunch because I needed to switch cars with him...I had that stupid, loud Dakota truck that he loves so much. I hate driving that thing. He had those "Flowmaster" mufflers (or whatever you call them) put on it so now it sounds like something a 16 year old boy would drive. I swear, I get in it, start it up and people turn around to see what young, punk whippersnapper is polluting their air with all that noise and they see me...a rather robust figured, 40+ year old woman trying to scrunch way down in the seat so nobody will see who's actually driving the beast. Anywho, I called Randey and arranged to meet him for lunch (which, as it turns out, may have been a waste of time. I say that because this evening, when Randey went back for seconds after dinner and I said something about it, he said he was starving, having not eaten lunch that day. What the flip? He can't remember dining with his wonderful wife a mere 6 hours earlier? But that's another story. I'll not dwell on it at this time....). So...we switched vehicles and I was off to shop. Why? Because I just didn't have anything better to do. I went to Marshall's, bought Kara another outfit (that kid's going to have a fuller wardrobe than the Queen of England and she's three months away from birth still!). I also found Maddy Moose the most wonderful faux fur blanket. It's furry on one side and velvety on the other. And it's WHITE! (Don't panic, Jodie. I checked and it's machine washable. lol). I found a bunny for Easter to set around the house and a resin, shamrock embellished top-hat to use for a candy dish for St. Paddy's Day. I went to Kirkland's afterwards and then Bed, Bath & Beyond (a store that is sorely in need of a lesson in how to discount Christmas merchandise! Good grief, people - it's over a month since Christmas! Anything Christmas themed should be about 90% off, not 50%! Sheesh!). Then I tootled on over to the mall. Found some earrings at the Brighton store. Got a latte at Starbucks. Checked out the stuff the Disney store was offering. Cruised thru Hallmark, where I found a birthday card for my step-sister and a Batman ornament for Nick and Jodie. I also got a Jim Shore figure featuring Jiminy Cricket and the saying "Let your conscience be your guide", which I've always considered to be primo words to live by. Then I hit Macy's, where I found another loud shirt that almost begged me to buy it. However, at $60 (and that was the discounted price), I left the little darling hanging in the store. But man was it purty! Bright colors and sparkly thingys sewn into the neckline...it was hard to resist. I was a rock, though. Okay. So my checkbook was a rock. I'd already spent enough to ....well. Let's just say I was fairly generous in my efforts to single-handedly jumpstart the Ft. Worth area economy and leave it at that, shall we? I did squeeze out enough to pay for 4 books at Half Price Books, however. Hey! Reading improves the mind, right? Of course it does! So anyway...that was my day. Mindlessly walking and shopping and spending and thinking. At one point, I was hit with the knowledge that I. am. lonely. I am as lonely a human as you're ever likely to find. It's my own doing, of course. (I feel I'd better say that so you know I'm not looking for sympathy here.) I can remember years ago, my kids teasing me because they said I only had one friend (Susan) and my response was that was because "friends are such high maintenance". I was only half-kidding. But I used to not feel that way. Really. I was out-going and happy and friendly and loved having friends. I look back now and wonder what changed, how did I get to be so self-contained in my real life? When did I stop making friends? I don't think there's any one incident that I can point to and say "Ah-ha!". It was a combination of things. When Randey and I got married, he was very jealous of any time I spent with people other than him. I put up with that for awhile, but actually that got real old, real quick. After much "discussion" between us, he got over that feeling. In fact, I'd say that Randey got waaaay over it and has now reached the point of feeling totally and completely secure in our relationship. Which is a good thing. Still...it was a tiresome battle and struggle to get him to that point and it took its toll. Then there was family. Whenever I'd go somewhere to visit family (in another state or town), I was always made to feel like I was doing something "wrong" if I wanted to take time out to visit with friends who lived in the area, too. There was always that "you need to be focusing on your family" thing. Family guilt can really twist you up inside, you know it? But, as a result, I tended to let friendships slide. It was easier, I'm ashamed to say. And then the worst thing in the world happened. My friend, my best friend at the time, committed suicide. Yeah. That rocked my whole world, as you can imagine. I'd failed my friend on some level, that much was obvious. Hell. I'd failed her on every level. I mean a part of me knew that I was not responsible for her death, but another part of me knew that I should have been a better friend to her. Maybe if I'd done something different, she wouldn't have felt whatever it is she was feeling that caused her to take her own life. I saw a therapist afterwards, to deal with the nightmare of it all. She told me that, as evidenced by the method my friend used, it was plain that she meant to die. She wasn't asking for help, she wasn't hoping to be "saved", she just wanted out of her life. How could I not know that? I had moved to another state, true, but I was only 3 hours away from her! How could I not know? Well, I never found an answer to that question, but I did find a way to not feel that sort of horror again. I quit making friends. Except for Susan. Susan and I just "clicked". There was no effort involved. And she's a rock. She's solid, she's smart, she's together. I couldn't have not been friends with her because she and I always seemed to understand one another. But that's pretty darn rare. Everybody else I met required that I actually work at the relationship if I wanted to be friends and, like I said, that's just too high maintenance for me. So the result? I often times find myself lonely. Again, it's my own fault. I know that. Susan lives 5 states away so our "time" together has been reduced to phone calls and maybe one visit a year. (Although, the beauty of a friendship as intense as the one Susan and I share is that we know how the other feels. Distance doesn't change that. That's a comfort.) However, other than Susan, I have no "real life" actual friends. I have a rocky relationship with most of my family...for reasons too numerous to mention here. I have great kids and a great husband, great neighbors, great bloggin buds...great everything! But I don't have anyone to just bum around with, you know what I mean? I read about some of you and your "circle of friends" and I feel envy. I wonder what that's like. And I wonder how you get that. I can't remember. My days of making up close and personal friends are gone. Sometimes I miss those days. But then sometimes, when I think of the pain of losing a friend, I'm grateful for my Rock, Susan (who I feel safe and confident in never losing because she knows my faults and loves me anyway! lol) and I feel content with the knowledge that, if I don't put myself in that position, then I can't let any other friends down. I guess it's a trade off. I just don't know anymore if I'm trading up...or trading down...by not getting involved with other people. I know there's a lot to be said for being alone. But damn...there sure isn't a whole lot of good to be said about being lonely, is there?

The Tag Says to tell "Why I Think It's Good to be Me"

Brenda, over at Country Romance tagged me with a "Why It's Good to be Me" meme. I've got to be honest with you, the way 2008 has started out, I was sort of struggling with answers to this one. But then I stumbled upon a BIG reason why I'm glad I'm me and I'm glad I live in this day and age. I know that the true spirit of this particular meme is so that we can all take a moment to review our lives and realize what all we have to be thankful for. However, I'm going to take a different tack and use it to make my own humble commentary on life as a woman. And no....before the thought even begins to form in your mind, this is not a "rant". Repeat after me, "This is a Social Commentary". Big difference. Really big. For instance, "rant" has only 4 letters, while "Social Commentary" has 16. Plus a space. See what I mean? Big difference. So, let's get started...
"It's good to be me" because I was born at a time when more women than ever were working and it was becoming more the norm than the exception to have a mother who worked outside the home. Why was that important to me as a female child? Because it showed me that women have options! Women could take the skills that are necessary to run a household and use them to run a company, as well.
"It's good to be me" because the whole time I was in grade school, I thought it was normal for the girls to be smarter than the boys. Now hear me out before you start labeling me as arrogant! Back in the day, all the boys in my classes were into sports almost to the exclusion of all else. That's how it seemed to me, anyway. At the end of every year, when we had award ceremonies for the "Top 3" in each academic subject, it was almost exclusively girls who won those awards. The boys didn't seem to see a problem with that and I certainly didn't. I, and many of my friends, thought it was normal. Of course, once I got up into high school, which had a much larger student body, I came to realize that boys had brains, too. (I should have focused a little more on those brains instead of getting blinded by their prowess on the football field. Yeah. Well. Good memories, anyway...). But the point I'm making is "girls being smart" wasn't always expected, accepted or even allowed up until fairly recently in our country's development.
"It's good to be me" because I can vote! Do you realize that the Nineteenth Amendment was passed less than a hundred years ago??? On August 18, 1920, the Nineteenth Amendment, which was specifically intended to extend suffrage to women, was ratified. In other words, some of our mother's, our grandmother's, our great-grandmother's who are still with us today were born to women who did not have the right to vote. Can. You. Imagine??? (And for all you women out there who do not vote, shame on you! Our foremothers, and even some of our forefathers, fought long, hard battles so that we might have this precious right. USE IT!) By the way, in 1893, New Zealand became the first major self-governing country in the world to give women the vote. (Progressive New Zealand. You gotta love that! I know I do.)
Having said that, I must now say that "it's good to be me" because I live in the United States of America and, while we have our problems and our bloated bureaucracies (that's a little shout out to the VA!), it's still a wonderful place to live. I can speak my mind without fear of death squads hunting me down and I can travel freely from state to state without having to fear some Nazi-like border guard demanding to see my "papers". I can worship God in the way I chose (or even not worship, if that was how I wanted to go). I can walk into a grocery store and not have to fight over the last loaf of bread because this is, indeed, the land of plenty. I know that America is not the only great place to live in the world, but it's my home and I know I am blessed to be here.
"It's good to me be" because I live in a time and a place where I can read anything and everything that I get my hands on. I can do this because reading has always been a thrill in my life. Even when I was young, reading was a favorite pastime, right along with climbing trees, playing with dolls, perfecting my softball catch or eye-balling good looking guys. My parents imparted a love of reading to me. They never made a big production out of it, they just read. For pleasure, for higher education, for political edification, for news of the day. They just read. It was good to be brought up in an atmosphere where frequent reading was the norm.
And finally, "it's good to be me" not just because I'm a woman in today's world, but because I am a part of the world of blogging, too. I love having the freedom to say what I want on my very own blog and everyone out there can respond as they see fit. (Or not respond...even lurkers are welcome here!) I can state my opinions, I can gripe about the way the world is treating me, I can brag about my children, I can proclaim how lucky I am in my marriage, but equally as important (and some days, much more important!) I can enter the worlds of others and learn how you live, how you feel, how your world is treating you. I can laugh at your stories, I can tear up when you tell me of a sad or touching event. And I can offer you comfort or humor or sarcasm and I can even commiserate with you when you describe something I'm familiar with. Yep. It is good to be me because I get to know you. For those of you who welcome me into your world, I say thank you ----

P.S. Now I tag Jana at Jana Banana's Babbling and Kari at Alas 3 Lads and Jayme at Scrapper Mama/Jayme's Life and Kathy at Remembering the Moments and Lynne at Lynne's Little Corner and the amazingly funny Sling over at Sling's Domain. These are people that I don't think I've ever tagged before but I absolutely, positively and thoroughly enjoy reading their blogs. If anyone's looking to beef up their blog roll with some good people, these are 6 I would most certainly recommend to you. And I'll end this with saying to these 6 people, if you don't care for meme's, no hard feelings. In addition to wanting to know more about you, I also just wanted to give you a mention to let you know how much I appreciate your blogging efforts (Jana's taught me how important it is to let people know that!!!).

A Meme of 8

This is a meme I saw on another blog and thought it would be fun to do (you know, you could make an effort to work with me and not roll your eyes like that. I'm trying to get back into blogging again. It's harder than you might think. I've only recently discovered that I don't actually have anything interesting to talk about. But maybe, just maybe, if I spew enough random thoughts out here, something worthwhile might scitter across my brain and give me an idea for a good post. And if not, what have you lost but a little time. Besides, didn't your mother ever warn you about rolling your eyes? Do you really want to chance going thru life looking like that blind Shaolin monk from the old Kung Fu television series? I thought not. So okay, here we go):

8 things you are passionate about:
My family
My friends
My dog, Sydney
Reading
Making our house a home
Truth
Justice
and the American Way (yeah, me and Superman…we’re all over this concept so you can rest easy!)

8 things you want to do before you die:
See all my children reach their age of majority
See all my children happy and successful in their chosen vocations
Learn to be sociable
Read a million more books (might cut in to that "sociable time" I wa hoping to work on)
See Times Square during the holidays
Visit New England during the fall
Get a real, honest to goodness tan
Move home to Oklahoma
(Wow. I may need to raise the bar a little bit. My "Bucket List" doesn't really seem all that ambitious, does it?)

8 things I say more often than I need to:
"Infidel! I keel you!"
"I’m not your friend, your buddy or your pal. I’m your Mama so shut up and listen."
"Let’s eat out."
"Geez"
"Jackass"
"Move your bloomin’ arse!"
"I hate talking on the phone!" (I keep saying this but no one seems to listen!lol)
"You’re so good lookin'. Yes you are!" (I tell that to Sydney the Wonder Dog at least once a day. Hey! He’s a Chihuahua! You almost have to tell them they're good-looking or they get depressed!)

8 books read recently:
Bones to Ashes – Kathy Reich
Carved in Bone – Jefferson Bass
Crescent City Kill – Julie Smith
Star Wars: Republic Commando: True Colors – Karen Traviss
The Alibi Man – Tami Hoag
The Society – Michael Palmer
The Twelfth Card – Jeffrey Deaver
Star Wars: Darth Bane: Rule of Two (still reading it) – Drew Karpyshyn

8 songs I love right now:
Dream Weaver – Gary Wright
Sweet Escape – Gwen Stefani
At Last – Etta James (I’ll always love that song)
Never Again – Kelly Clarkson
The Rockafeller Skank – Fatboy Slim (yeah, so I’m a little embarrassed about this one but it’s good!)
Big Girls Don’t Cry - Fergie
Back in Black – AC/DC (this one just never gets old)
Minnie the Moocher – Big Bad Voodoo Daddy

8 Favorite Shows on TV:
Criminal Minds
Bones
The Closer
Law & Order (I’m loving the new detective guy!)
Psych
House
Numb3rs
Burn Notice

8 Qualities you look for in a friend:
tolerance
honesty
common sense
sense of humor
grouchy without coffee
tall
blond
must be named Susan :> (okay so this one is only necessary if we’re talking BFF here. lol)

Originally this one was “8 Radio Shows you listen to” but I don’t listen to enough radio to name 8 shows. Therefore, I’ve changed it to “8 Authors That You Would Pay Hardcover-Full-Price for Their Books" (that translates into True Love if you’re as cheap as I am. lol):
J. K. Rowling
Jefferson Bass
Harlan Coben
Janet Evanovich – (the “number” series only, though)
Dan Brown
Michael Connelly
John Sandford
Dick Francis

So what have we learned about me, ladies and gentlemen? We've learned that I love crime stories, whether written or portrayed on TV, I love reading, I love my family (and am particularly smitten with Sydney the Wonder Dog), I cuss a bit too much and I'm kind of a freak when it comes to music choices. Huh. Who'd of thunk? So how about you guys? Anybody got the time to do their Meme of 8? Let me know if you do. I'm hopelessly nosey and would love to read it!