Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Finding a Weigh Out of Fat, Volume #...Whatever Number it is We're Up To!

Today I want to talk about WHY it's good to lose weight. I mean, it's really a lot of work, isn't it? and sometimes you can find yourself asking just exactly why is it that you're striving so hard for a smaller butt. Lots of reasons, of course! Your health, for one. Losing weight can help lower your chances of heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc., etc., etc. The more weight you lose, the better able you are to get out in the world and MOVE! You know when you climb a flight a stairs and find yourself gasping for air? That's because your poor heart is working double, maybe even triple time just to pump blood throughout your plus sized body. Give your body a break and take some of those pounds off! Your heart will thank you, your lungs will thank you, your legs will thank you. Lose some weight responsibly, though! Talk with your doctor to make sure the plan you pick is right for you. And remember - any "diet" that causes you to lose more than 1 to 2 pounds a week probably isn't one that will teach you how to keep that weight off. Despite popular belief, it doesn't take a ton of will power to all but starve yourself to death. It does, however, take will power to focus on what you eat, when you eat it and why you eat it. Paying attention to those things is what will help you to learn the healthiest way to eat. Let's see now...another reason to lose about "attitude adjustment". Yeah, I said it. It's nothing more than a stupid, misleading myth that fat people are jolly. Fat people aren't jolly. They just happen to shake when they laugh because it takes a second or two for their gut to catch up with their mouth. Fat people are, whether they want to admit it or not, usually pretty darn unhappy with being large. Every single time I heard a fat person say "I like my size, I'm happy with my size. I may be fat, but I'm healthy", I would think to myself, "Well, it's great that you're so happy being fat, but I'm miserable. But since you've said it's okay, I'll work on convincing myself that maybe it is". I know a lot of people will be ticked at me for saying stuff like this. Don't care. For the most part, we all got fat because we ate the wrong stuff and a lot of it. Nobody in their right mind sets out to get fat. And nobody in their right mind is happy with being fat. Remember that old commercial where the kid says "when I grow up, I want to claw my way to middle management"? Would that have been anymore believable if the kid had said, "when I grow up, I want to be huge so that I can huff and puff my way thru life and watch the rest of the world be active"? Of course not. People don't want to be fat. It's just that so many of us don't know how to change our eating habits and our lifestyles without seeking help. Many of us also think it'd be too hard and would deprive us of too much. That's that "food is my buddy, my friend, my pal" mentality working on you. Get rid of that thinking! I've said it before and I'll keep on saying it; Food is fuel for your body. Period. Stop letting it be fuel for you emotional well being, too. Finally, here's one more reason to lose weight...CLOTHES SHOPPING! As many of you know, I've had a bit of a struggle with the weight loss this past week and a half. It's not a big deal, but since I was doing so well before that, this roadblock has kind of slapped me upside my head and left me reeling. Imagine my thrill when I was at the store and found a cute Halloween shirt and a Christmas shirt and realized that the MEDIUMs fit me! I haven't been in a size medium of anything for years. Many, many, many years. So while the scales have not reflected the effort I've made this past 10 days, the clothes shopping certainly did. A medium. Woo-hoo! (I'll post pictures of those shirts later. They're just novelty shirts, but I love them and can't wait to wear them).
Speaking of clothes shopping, I want to share the names of some clothes manufacturers with you. Why does something like this occur to me, you ask? Because I'm easily amused and some of these names just leave me laughing. Take for instance this one: Sag Harbor. I'm sure most, if not all of you, have heard of this brand. I've probably even bought some of their clothes at one time or another. But can I ask you this? Who in the heck at that company thought that calling a women's line of clothing SAG HARBOR was a good idea? It sounds like a place where your boobies go to retire. Geez. But while Sag Harbor is probably THE worst name for a women's clothing line, their prices are at least fairly reasonable. These pants, for example, cost $18.00.

This next brand is actually the brain child of hip hop rapper, Nelly. Anybody heard of him? He's had several songs out that even an old, dorky woman like myself can enjoy. Well, apparently Nelly likes a shapely woman (a man after my own heart, eh?). In honor of that, he's named his new clothing line Apple Bottom. This just conjures up an image of a giant, double-bubble butt and that's something I'm not looking to have. Love the singer, hate the name of the clothing line. By the way, should you decide to take a bite out of this particular apple, these pants from that line will set you back $81.00. Too rich for my blood. And my butt.
Anybody ever heard of this next brand, Affliction jeans? Now, call me crazy, but unless I'm very much mistaken, an "affliction" isn't a good thing, right? I even looked up the word in the dictionary. The official definition:
af·flic·tion : /əˈflɪkʃən/ Pronunciation Key - [uh-flik-shuhn]; noun
1. a state of pain, distress, or grief; misery: They sympathized with us in our affliction.
2. a cause of mental or bodily pain, as sickness, loss, calamity, or persecution.
And someone thought this was a good name for a clothing company?? Uh-huh. Well, I guess they make up for that confusion with the price tag. A pair of Affliction jeans could set you back $222.00. Sounds like your wallet will be afflicted more than your arse, if you ask me. Here's a picture of what you get for that kind of jack:
Next is another fairly common name, although not one I own personally. Baby Phat. While "Phat" may stand for "Pretty Hot And Tempting" in some circles, I'm not buying it. Yeah, sorry, but I'm not wearing anything with "phat" and/or "fat" in the name. And I darn sure wouldn't wear this brand and have it emblazoned across my thighs, like this pair has. So what do they charge for labeling your body as Phat in ginormous script? $69.00 a pair. This next brand isn't so bad, it just makes me think of some poor old woman who got left out in the rain too long: Rusty Women's Wear. I'd just as soon not be referred to as Phat or Rusty, thank you very much. Besides which, see these ugly britches by Rusty? $46.00. I just don't think these puppies look like $46.00 worth, do you? See these next pants? They're from the "Horny Toad" line of clothing. Yeah, you read that right. Horny Toad. I won't comment further on this name. 'Nuff said, eh? Oh and this particular style is called the "Audry" pant and will cost you $74.00.

I only mention those because of these:
The Horny Toad "Hepburn" pants. Poor Audry Hepburn. What'd she do to offend these guys? Oh, and in case you were wondering, the Hepburns can be had for the low, low price of just $70.00 a pair.
Now for the serious shoppers...I give you the "People's Liberation" brand. You can put your rebellious butt in a pair of these for a mere $171.00. For jeans, yeah, that's what I said...$171.00. Maybe I'm just cheap, but I think the only thing being "liberated" with a purchase of these jeans will be your money from your wallet.
This next company wins the prize for ugliest product and goofiest name. The United Nude Shoe Company, featuring the Porn Toe off white shoe. These horrendous monstrosities will cost you $175.00 if you want to strut your stuff in a butt ugly shoe with a titillating name. In other words, I'm sure Paris Hilton owes 7 or 8 pair but us average, every day folks probably don't own so much as a shoebox with this brand name. Although, if you do, please let me know. I've heard they're very comfortable. (snicker, snicker)
Finally, here's my favorite brand. Although, I'd like the CEO of this company to know that if he changed the name, he might sucker more Average Joanns into shelling out the big bucks for his clothes 'cause just hearing their name was enough to let me know I need waste no more time shopping for their product. This is the Rich and Skinny Clothing Company. Ahhhh. How I aspire to such great heights. Rich and skinny. Oh it's just too much to think on. No point in reaching for the stars when your feet are firmly encased in nothing more than a pair of cheap-o sandals from Cato, eh? Anywho, should any of you want to slap a little "Rich and Skinny" label on your arse, you'll have to shell out about $231.00 a pair. Wonder what's their cut off size for wearing these? I mean, is a size 6 still considered skinny? A size 8? Maybe a 10? Or do they turn their noses up at anyone past a 4?
Oh well, it matters not. Even if my butt gets small enough to wear these, I suspect my wallet will never get fat enough for them. Back to Cato I go....


  1. I haven't gotten near the scale for the past 2 weeks, at least. I doubt that I've lost any weight, but I don't think I've gained any either. Still playing with the same couple of pounds that move up and down.

    It's time to get serious again. I need - NEED - to pull out my PDA and start keeping track of what I'm eating. And exercise?? I'm bowling 2x a week now so that counts for something. As the evenings get cooler, Dom and I will start walking again.

    Kari - I need you to whip my big phat arse into shape! Yell at me and make me get back on track!

    I love the jeans talk! No way I'd wear - or afford - any of them. Well, maybe the Sag Harbor, but I sag enough without wearing a tag announcing the fact. I think I have one or two pair of jeans that fit and I wear them to death.

    Congrats on getting Medium tops. I usually wear a large because my back is broad - it's certainly not for the boobs! I have some Mediums but I usually like things big and loose.

    I really missed this post last week! Don't go away any more!! Unless Hurricane Ike is headed your way.

  2. Kari, you need your own newspaper column...heck, your own magazine column! Truly you do.


  3. Great post and so funny too. You got me chuckling for sure.


  4. Kari, congrats on the NSV (non-scale victory). How exciting is that!!! Love the jeans talk - Affliction??? I've felt afflicted at times when trying to get into my jeans, lol. Jeans are a tough clothing item, though. There are some brands that just don't fit me right. Love the curvy jeans from the GAP because the hips AND the waist fit. Lees and Levis do not fit me. Never have. Thanks for another great post :~)

  5. You are so right. I kind of relate gaining some extra weight to being pregnant... being pregnant people know you have had sex... it's like walking around saying, "I had sex, and it stuck." and being overweight is like walking around saying, "I ate too much. and it stuck." You know? I think that's why we feel so embarrassed to gain weight because it's a billboard showing lack of moderation in the food department. The funniest thing to me is when a very large person says they don't eat much and then nibbles at their meal trying to prove that they are picky light eaters who just happen to have some weird health issue that causes them to expand rapidly. You are like, I know you eat more than that by looking and it's not even a judgement... having had weight ups and downs personally over the last however many years I do understand... sometimes the food just wins over the brain. I enjoyed reading this Kari, it was like sitting and visiting with you... minus the yummy panera bread stuff. Speaking of which... when are you coming back?

  6. LOL! You totally crack me up! I loved reading about all the different jeans!

    CONGRATULATIONS on the medium sized shirts! That the BEST feeling!

    I told my daughter yesterday that I have GOT to get serious about losing this weight, because I feel uncomfortable out in public now. I feel like everyone is looking at me, and saying things.

    I did stay on plan yesterday (the first day in two weeks!) and I also worked out. BABY steps over here! BABY STEPS!


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