Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Mine isn't a "feature", but this one apparently is....

I was doing a little shopping on Amazon.com the other day, checking nightstand styles for our bedroom. I found one that I sort of liked the looks of, so I investigated further to ascertain its attributes. Here's what Amazon told me about it: Ass? Since when is an ass a feature? Is it giving me a new ass? That might be a good selling point. I mean if they listed me, personally, on Amazon, I'm pretty sure my ass wouldn't make the list of "Kari's Features". But this ass did make it onto a list so it must be special, right? But exactly what kind of ass are we talking about here? A jackass? A big ass? A smart ass? The dreaded...dumbass? This nightstand actually features an ass like it's a good thing so you'd think it'd be an ass worth having, but isn't the likability of an ass a personal preference? Amazon may think it's a perfectly fine ass, but I might hate it when it arrives. And let's face it, if you could return an ass "to sender", wouldn't a lot of us have already sent our gluteus maximus-es back to Ben & Jerry's or McDonald's or Taco Bell or where ever it is we got them from in the first place? No, no, no....take it from me if you haven't already learned it yourself, an ass is just too hard to get rid of. Better to work on the one you've got than to risk getting a worse one. So yeah, I passed on that particular nightstand.
But just wait'll you see what I did pick out (although not from Amazon - didn't want them slipping me a little something extra into my package, if you know what I mean)! The nightstands I got are slim and trim and by all appearances, completely ass-free. Pictures will follow upon their arrival.

P.S. I am so sorry for this post. Even as I write it, I know I shouldn't. I'm punch drunk from painting our bedroom all afternoon. I think I've inhaled too many fumes. Yeah. That's the excuse I'm sticking with...

26 comments:

  1. I wonder if they throw in a hole to go along with it............

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hahahaha! I'm gonna start looking a little closer at the item descriptions from now on. You didn't send an email asking them to describe the "ass" description more fully?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Do not apologize for the post! I loved it!

    I'm going to go to Amazon.com right now to see if I can find that special nightstand.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ROFLMAO - if only I could actually laugh my ass off! You crack me up girlfirend! My ass is certianly large enough to catch your eye, but it wouldn't be a 'feature' I would list either!
    Have a great day!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ok, I just checked in the mirror, it would appear - after each visit to your blog - I HAVE laughed a bit of my ass off!!!! And I think you AND Sue (see her comment above) are responsible for today's bit :~)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Kari, you're a hoot! Never apologize for such good fun!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Love this Mine is the size of a small mountain and shook with laughter today. Thanks you for always brightening my day up!! have a great July 4th celebrations and tell us what you got up to Mary

    ReplyDelete
  8. As usual, too funny! I love being ass-ociated with you lol!
    love ya
    Aunt Sandi

    ReplyDelete
  9. tomorrow it is going to be a year since you for the very first time left a comment in my old blog, and OMG!!! how happy i am of meeting you, and i know you are too!
    God Bless YOU and your lovely family!
    love you!
    Carmen

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh girl, you crack me up big time!! I was hoping for a post, and wow that was a great one!!

    Hey, maybe they meant you have to ASS-emble it, or maybe it is ASS-embled already!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Okay, you had me cracking up with your post them I read your first comment from Sue and started to laugh some more. Okay, these other commenters are way too quick with the wit for me also. I'm slow on the uptake and can't think of a witty reply, but hey one usually comes to me around 24 hours later. LOL Have a great 4th!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Haaaaaa!! I think I need one of these Ass tables. ;) What a hoot!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. You are so darn funny! I'm laughing my *** off right now.

    Brandee ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Awww...Lawwwzy Mercy...NOW that is a hoot and a half. Notice it did say that the nightstand did have a solid back (wish mine was)...so maybe that's were the ASS came in...however, solid it may be...it doesn't sound like a very attractive feature on a nightstand...I mean after all...who has a drawer in their ass??? AND what about that door? WHEW!!That just opens up a whole other can of worms!!

    Seriously...who proofs these things before posting? I think somebodies ASS just might be in a sling over that little diddy!

    I enjoy your humor...as always...I think you are a great ASSet to the blog world...truly you are...don't apologize...after all it wasn't your blunder!

    Happy 4th!

    Blessings...
    Teresa

    ReplyDelete
  15. Kari!!! Do you know how much it hurts when you get ice tea up your nose from laughing so much???? lol Omigosh, girlfriend, that was just too funny. You'd think they'd have known to write "assembly" instead of just the short form?? LOL Leave it to you to find that one! hehe xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oh my goodness, I was laughing so hard that I had to go back and read your post a 2nd time. WTF?? Too funny, too funny!

    Love,
    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hahahahaha.....whoEver was typing that probably had to catch the phone!!! Funny post Girl!!hughugs

    ReplyDelete
  18. I haven't laughed this hard in soooo long! That is hysterical! I have enough "ass"of my own, I don't think I need to purchse more!

    Blessings

    Linda

    ReplyDelete
  19. I've seen an ass before that looked like a shelf....but never a drawer....! This was hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  20. That was hilarious! It's one of the few laugh-out-loud posts I've ever read. Thanks, Sandi for pointing this one out to me.. well it was really pointed out to David, but I had to sneak in here on your wise recommendation. :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. LOL Hmm it does make one wonder what it is. I like the way you think girl!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Oh, please don't apologize! Your post is ass-tounding!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Dear heavens, I am nearly peeing my pants as I read your post. Not a pretty site. You find all the good stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Apologize?? For what? Oh! For making is laugh so hard that drinks came out of our noses??
    TOO funny!

    I love the list of ass-ets that night stand has.
    I can ass-ess all I need to know about it. Then I can email the ass-ociates at Amazon with my order.
    Your humor make my spirits ass-scent into the Heavens.
    Oh how I ass-pire to be as funny as you! Okay, I will stop being an ass now and quit using the word ass. Because, if I keep this up, you will need an ass-pirin!



    Love you you funny, funny lady,
    Sue

    ReplyDelete
  25. LOL!! That's too funny! I'm not sure I'd risk getting a "new" one either. Mine isn't perfect but how silly would I look with a perfect rearend attached to the rest of my larger than perfect bod?! Yikes. Blessings... Polly

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for your comment. I love to hear what you have to say!