Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Check-Writing: It's a Lost Art Form. AS. IT. SHOULD. BE.

I know you've all seen those commercials for Visa where everyone is dancing around, swiping their debit cards like mad and then some bozo comes along and disrupts the flow by writing a check. Irritating little commerical, eh? But it's even more irritating when it happens in real life. And for whatever reason, it seems to be happening to me a lot lately. I mentioned this pet peeve to Sue, a new blogging acquaintance, the other day. It drives me insane to have to sit and wait for someone to write out a flippin' check. The world has moved beyond checks, people. Get with the program! I mean I try, I really do, not to be so snarky when the check writer is an elderly person. I know that a lot of them don't trust those new-fangled check cards. But for pity's sake, at least they could reach into that ever-so-organized purse and pull that trusty checkbook out at some point prior to the cashier telling them their total. And they could probably even write the check out and then enter it into their register, after they've handed it to the cashier to process. And they might even could fold that receipt into a neat little strip sometime before half of my order is rung up. I have actually had almost my complete purchase rung up while the sweet, little ol' white haired lady in front of me was still standing there organizing her purse. I know, I know, I know....I'm going to hell for being so impatient with the elderly. But I beg of you people! If you know of someone who doesn't understand the beauty of a debit card, tell them about it! Don't let them waste another moment of their lives (or mine, for that matter) on writing a check out in public! I was behind a woman the other day who almost gave me a stroke from the blood pressure spike. First of all, she looked to be about 30 maybe. And she had legs the size of Redwoods (width-wise, not height-wise!). I mean, WOW! When I made the mistake of getting in line behind her, she was standing - in front of the motorized cart she apparently had done her shopping in. Why was she standing? Because, as it turns out, she was writing a damn check, but not before she walked back and forth, looking at the endcaps, trying to find "the perfect" gift card that she wanted to purchase (thereby proving she could walk, when necessary). She finally gets the right gift card, gives it to the cashier (who, unfortunately, was singularly dense and had to be told 4 times how much money to put on the gift card) and then patiently waits until her whole, entire $180 some odd dollars worth of merchandise was all scanned and bagged. Then she breaks out her checkbook. Which she then proceeded to read as if it was the most recent number one on the New York Times Bestseller list. Maybe she was reliving the joys of all her previous purchases, who knows. Once she finally finished reliving past shopping glories and then took a moment to ascertain that her pen worked and her checks were ready for action, she starting writing out the check. (Okay, so here's a clue for you, lady! We were at Wal-Mart. You don't have to write your checks out at Wal-Mart. You hand it to the cashier and she runs it thru her machine and it writes the darn thing for you.) But this forward thinking individual was out to win a penmanship contest because she wrote that whole entire check out like she was penning the Declaration of Independence. She finally finishes, with a big flourish, ...and then turns to her register and transcribes the information off the check into the register - while still holding the check in her chubby little hand. At long last, she's done. Progress is being made. She gives the check to the cashier and I start to cheer. Of course, by now, much time has passed since this check-out odyssey began; cobwebs have set in, wrinkles have appeared on everyone's faces and her young child, a sweet-faced but sadly obese, little boy of approximately 10 years of age could no longer contain his boredom. So he hops on her motorized cart and takes off. Gleefully. The woman, brought out of her stupor by the sound of the motor (and maybe the kid's cackling laughter) promptly takes off after him. Running. As an aside to the whole check writing issue? let me ask you this...if that woman could churn those stumpy legs as fast as she did while chasing that kid down, why in the heck does she need that cart to begin with? Maybe if she spent a little less time on the cart and a little more time walking around, her legs might not be quite so stumpy! But I digress. The cashier is still standing there waiting to hand the woman her receipt and her check back, so I'm still standing there, too, waiting for my turn. I watched the woman instruct her kid to get off the cart, at which point, she got on it and drove it back to the cashier stand. Drove that damn cart the 20 feet back to pick up her receipt. Which she stood up and walked over to get, once she got to the right lane. She made the kid push her shopping cart out, while she drove her motorized cart in front of him. You know, guys, I'm a fairly big woman myself. I've got some bo-hunkus legs and an arse to match. I get winded sometimes when I've shopped too exuberantly, I even get a little tired when I've had to bend over or stretch high to get my groceries off the shelves. But I will be damned if I will ride around on one of those motorized carts when the only thing that ails me is my ginormous appetite. I mean honestly! If you are so big that you can't function like a normal person, do something about it! There are alternatives. I've chosen one of those alternatives myself (I'll go into that on another day, perhaps). Being fat isn't a curse of nature or even just your "lot" in life. It's a choice. A choice of eating that Godiva chocolate or eating that nice, cool salad. I knows I luvs me some Godiva, yumm-o, yessir, I do! And I can chose to eat it (which I frequently do) or I can chose not to. I can chose to sit on my arse reading a book or watching TV (which again, I frequently do) or I can chose to get up and take a walk. I'm pretty sure that if I hadn't made so many of the easy choices (chocolate and tv), my body wouldn't look like a 1st grader's art sculpting project (lumpy and hard to identify!). But there I go, digressing again. I was ranting about check writers, not overweight people who ride on carts because they're convinced they're handicapped, right? So where was I?....oh to heck with it. I'm so ticked off right now thinking of that stupid woman and her cart (I won't EVEN get into what foods she was buying - suffice it to say, it's obvious why her legs are like tree trunks and her arse practically qualifies for it's own zip code). And yes, I know. If I wasn't going to hell for being snarky about the elderly, I've probably sealed my fate with my attitude about the chunky. If I were skinny - heck, if I were even normal sized - I wouldn't dare open my mouth. But seeing as how I'm an veteran plus sized woman, I feel like I can say what I feel. I know how I got this big (and it wasn't from jumping rope or swimming laps, I can tell you that much). And I know that riding all over Wal-Mart instead of walking isn't helping that 30 something year old woman with her weight issues. Just like me standing behind her as she writes a stupid, archaic, time-consuming check isn't good for my blood-pressure!
Okay. I'm done. Rain the criticism down upon my head with your comments. Go ahead, I can take it. Well I mean I can take a little criticism. Don't get crazy with it. No need for harshness and no need to get ugly. I'm just venting here. I'm sure I'll be overcome with shame soon enough. Maybe. It could happen, you know. Yeah. All right. I doubt it, too.


P.S. Don't forget to enter my One Year Blog-iversary giveaway! Leave a comment on the previous post about the giveaway to be entered.

28 comments:

  1. I wish I had been there.

    Cookie

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  2. Oh my gosh, I am sittin' here on my arse laughing my head, with the pickled brain, completely insanely off!! I so GET it!! I used to be a cashier, and believe me that's as bad as being the customer behind the customer!!

    Well, you have completely made my day! hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!

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  3. Oh Kari - Have I told you how much I LOVE your rants!!!

    I'm with you on this one. And how about the little old ladies (and being 62, I can say that!) who have to count out the exact change, penny by penny!

    Plastic - the way to go!!

    BTW -

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  4. That's cute - I was going to type something else and hit publish instead. I wanted to let you know that you won my book giveaway!

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  5. I'm still laughing out loud Wish i could have seen your face!!! But don't you spend more with a card i rarely write a cheque now but when I do I think how much???? It.s so easy to spend money with a card!!!

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  6. The only thing we use checks for is...wait a minute, I don't use checks for anything anymore, we pay bills on line...my Lord, what will happen, will my check writing hand wither away to a dry stick? Nope, I get plenty of practice using it to sign my receipt when I use my check card....great post...it should go national!
    Oh, I celebrated my 1 year blogaversary like two months ago now, so guess I ought to mention it and have a giveaway...do you suppose I could get rid of a few kittens this way?
    love ya
    Aunt Sandi

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  7. Oh Kari..no one writes like you do and I love every word. I may well be as big as that lady but if she can run after that kid, she could damn well walk. If *I* can, SHE can. I am overweight, 52 and have fibro. Walking would help her...and that whole check writing thing...geez. She is lost in her own little world isn't she? The one where is is a Princess and everything revolves around her?
    Oh yeah...I know a few of those.

    Love your rants!

    Love ya,
    Sue

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  8. Oh my goodness..you are my new grumpy soul sister! Thanks so much for mentioning me. Now I have to go and think up a good rant for tomorrow. Hmm..it just might be house hunting.

    Cheers!

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  9. Oh Kari, you really make me laugh. Really!

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  10. Kari!!! I just picked myself up off the floor - which is where I fell off my chair from laughing so hard at your rant! I can totally relate to your experience. Wish I could put it into words like you can :~) Thanks for the laughs.

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  11. OMG Kari, I want to hug you, I want to kiss you, I want to jump up and down and cheer for you having the guts to put this out there. I've been behind someone like this myself and think all the above but oh no I can't say that. Girl you got the goods! I also used to work in retail so was on the other side of the counter from people like that and OMG I'm so grateful those days are done. If someone has a real, genuine disability fine but for plain and simple laziness give me a break. Thanks for being honest. RYC: It really is a Bridge of Flowers and the potholes are glacier potholes formed way long ago. Check this post for some pics of them http://jeanne-lifeorsomethinglikeit.blogspot.com/2008/06/blog-post.html

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  12. LOL Kari, I was cracking up the whole post. I can just picture this woman from your description. Even my 83 year old Dad pays his bills online. Too funny, love a good rant!

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  13. People need to be more courteous to others instead of thinking only of themselves.

    I've noticed that many people are relying on those motorized carts that really don't need them. As the saying goes, "If you don't use it, you lose it," and that is especially true with legs.

    Take care and thanks for commenting on my Canada Day post. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

    Blessings,
    Mary

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  14. Hahahahaha!

    But I'm hanging my head in shame too, cause I'm one of those check totin' grandmas. I do, however, have it out and ready for them to scan (doesn't take much longer than scanning a card that way) so that all I have to do is sign my name on a slip of paper.

    I suppose I should get a debit card but I'm so afraid I'd forget to write down a purchase somewhere, sometime, and it drives me batshit crazy to not know exactly what's in the bank.

    Also, I live in the delta, in Arkansas, it takes awhile for worldly things to get here. :-)

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  15. Hahahahahahhaahahahaha....ohmy...hahahahaha....gads, I needed this!!hahahaha....hughugs

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  16. IF this stinking room was a little bigger, I'd be rolling around on the floor laughing hysterically. Instead, I just kept cackling and whipping my head around--where the heck IS my husband, I want to share this!
    Oh my, this was one funny post.

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  17. Thank you, girlfriend, for giving me a HUGE chuckle for the day!!!!!! ...qualifies for its own zip code... oh my, I'm crying here!

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  18. I started laughing as soon as I read "as it should be." I confess, I still write checks... but only in a crunch. :)

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  19. Even my mom, who's deathly afraid of her answering machine, DVD player, etc, has a debit card! lol Gosh, I don't know when the last time was when I wrote a check or even saw anyone writing one. I would have been a little ticked off at that woman also! Sheesh! xoxo

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  20. ROFLMBO! GIRLIE! You CRACK me up!

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  21. Backing out slowly...for reasons that shall not be discussed. ;>

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  22. I think that lady lives in my neighborhood...

    cookie

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  23. LOL. Of course the flip side of this is the lady, who is 90 if she is a day, and is trying to use a debit card but doesn't know how to use it! Yep - I've been behind her too. I think my ice cream had melted before the cashier and her (whoever the young man with her was) got it figured out. Obviously she didn't trust him enough to tell him her pin number!
    I do write a few checks - but only for the bills I don't pay online and have to actually put in the mail. I don't even carry my checkbook in my purse anymore, which presents a whole other problem when I end up somewhere that doesn't take credit/debit cards since I rarely have cash on me either!

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  24. Kari,
    LOL,You are great. I hate getting behind people like that and another one of my rants is people who had a large buggy fulled with items going to the 10 items or less line. You really hit the head of the nail on this one, keep it up. Katie

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  25. Hello Sissy!!, say, I don't have a comment about your blogs but I am getting a big itch for some serious junking.
    Love Ya,
    Wally

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  26. Kari - you have made my night!!! Been there, done that!!! I have chewed my tongue off at times, trying no to be ugly standing behind someone like that!!!! Oh my, you really need to put these collection of rants into a book. You're an amazing writer!!!!!

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  27. I can't tell you how much I laughed at this! What a perfect rant post! And I can SO identify!

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  28. Sweetheart,

    You just put into words what the rest of us have left in our thoughts. I do use checks but like you say I write them before it's my turn at the register. It's called being courteous to others. Wish there was more of that in the world.

    I was just catching up on your blog (provided as an explanation for why this is so late in being written)

    Take care,
    Lynnette

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