The Dangers of Nagging

Ladies (and gentlemen, if there are any out there brave enough to read my blog), have you ever tried to get your way using the ever-popular "Nag Method"? Be honest now. Admit it - most of you have. Well I'm here to tell you, do not try this method unless your skills are sharp and well honed. If you've allowed these particular skills to lag in the least little bit, I highly recommend that you cease and desist all Nag activity immediately or be prepared to pay the consequences. I am here to testify! Improper nagging can cause unexpected, and sometime frightening, results. For example, as most of you probably know, I'm currently caught in the torturous grip of menopause. This means I'm hot (and not in a good way!). I have nagged repeatedly to my dearly beloved that Texas summers are just too flippin' harsh for me to stand anymore. I mean I have gone on and on and on about it and not just to Randey, but to anyone who will listen. People walk up to me in Target and say, "Excuse me, do you know where the shampoo aisle is?" and I answer with "Can you believe this weather? How much longer until we explode? Are you melting? Don't you feel like your eyebrows are being singed off everytime you put on your sunglasses? I don't think I'm going to survive another day of this! And the shampoo is over by the pharmacy, idiot. Where the heck did you think it would be? Your lack if Target store knowledge has just caused my irritation level to hit the absolute limit. And, by the way, dipstick, do I look like I work here? Do Target employees walk around with giant pink purses and a StarBucks cup? I didn't think so. Now go get your freakin' shampoo and leave me the h**l alone". (That last snarky part I attribute directly to menopause rather than the Texas heat.) Well strangely enough, apparently, Randey got a tad bit tired of listening to me. Yeah, I know. I don't get it either. So he looks at me and asks just where is it that I think I want to live? And, not being prepared for someone to actually acknowledge my endless nagging, I said the first thing that popped into my head..." A lot of my blogging friends say that Ohio is a wonderful place the live. The temperatures are already cooling off and they say they have nice long winters, too". He stopped, turned around, looked at me and said "Ohio? I can't even picture where that's at!". This is the man who has traveled extensively all over the United States and beyond in conjunction with his job for the past, oh I don't know, hundred years or so! I tried to visually map out the location of Ohio for him because it seemed like the thing to do. The poor dear - he seemed so confused about the Mystery that is Ohio. He walked away, shaking his head, muttering to himself. Fast forward to the next day: I stumble out of bed and eventually head upstairs to read my e-mail. I open up my Yahoo and there sits an e-mail from Randey; subject line: Ohio job. What??? I click on it. It says something along the lines of "You're never going to believe this, but when I got into work this morning, I had received an e-mail regarding a job opening in Toledo, Ohio, so I applied." Toledo???? I was thinking Cincinnati or Dayton maybe. Toledo? As in...Max Klinger's Toledo Mud Hen fame? Where the heck is Toledo? Well, as it turns out...it's pretty darn close to Michigan. I know because I pulled up this map that I've posted here. See how far up there it is? Waaaaaaay up there. Yeah. I know it's cooler there! But here's the thing, though. I am an Okie. Through and through. Oklahoma born. Oklahoma raised. Oklahoma is one of the reasons why moving to Texas from Florida was so attractive for me. It was closer to home, i.e, Oklahoma. And now, I may have just nagged myself up to Toledo. How'd I do that? I'll tell you. Unskilled nagging. But - what's done is done. Too late to choke my words back. And maybe it's fate. I said Ohio and the next day, there's a job announcement. But..as Randey was quick to point out...he may not even qualify for this job (civil service announcements are funny that way - there's always a chance that they've worded it in such a way as to exclude 99% of the people who apply. It's their little way of "pre-selecting" without "pre-selecting" because, well, "pre-selecting" is illegal, don't you know!) So. Here I sit. Nervous as can be, wondering what I've wrought with my mouthy, mindless nagging and pretty much convincing myself that what happens, happens. Fate. Destiny. Nagging. It's all the same, don't you think?