Wednesday, July 11, 2007
It's Over and Done With...the Hair Thing, That Is
Okay. It's done. The big hair-cutting moment is done, gone and over. And guess what? I am so flippin' thrilled over my new 'do, I can't even begin to tell you! I am such a dork, though...I had worked myself up into such a frenzy over this that I woke up with hives yesterday morning. I have a habit of doing that when I'm pretty sure I'm fixing to make a HUGE mistake. Case in point...my first marriage. The day of the wedding, I woke up with great big angry red blotches all over my chest and face. (Talk about a bad omen!). Those hives were bad enough, but they did at least serve to highlight the enormous fever blister that had developed on my upper lip over night. Yeah, that marriage didn't last. How could it, with all those pre-warning signs, right? Anywho, I woke up yesterday to a hive infested face but I had bigger problems to worry about - like my hair being wrapped around my own throat choking the living daylights out of me. Considering the consequences of dying by hair strangulation (and by that I mean, how embarrassing would it be for my loved ones to have to explain to people that I died accidentally because I forgot to sleep with my hair braided one night and my hair got tangled around my neck . Who could say that with a straight face? Certainly not my peeps.), those ugly hives weren't enough to stop me from keeping my hair appointment. This had now become a matter of life or death (read earlier posts to grasp my propensity for exaggeration). I unwound the hair from my neck, squinted my eyes every time I looked in the mirror so the hives looked sort of like a sunburn instead of an affliction and braced myself for the coming trauma. Half an hour before my appointment time, I set off. A quick stop at Starbucks for an unsweet Passion Shaken Iced Tea Lemonade and a Toffee Almond Bar (yeah - real helpful to that problem I'm having with my growing backside, but I NEEDED IT!). I parked, I got out of my car and I walked into that salon like I was heading to my own execution. I thought I was being extremely dignified in the face of this certain disaster, but in retrospect, I was probably being more like extremely dorky. Maegen, the twelve year old who was scheduled to cut my hair, came out to greet me. Okay, so she wasn't really twelve. But she sure did look like it. I asked her, just to be sure. (She's 23). I told her what I wanted, sort of. I showed her 3 pictures and said things like "see this one? I like how it kind of flips here, but I don't want it sticking way out like that. And this one...I think this is very cute, but it's probably too flippy, what do you think? And this one - love it, but that's just way too short". All in all, I'm sure I was very helpful to Maegen. (HA.HA.HA)She listened to me without rolling her eyes one single time (I took this to be a very good sign), then she gathered my hair into a ponytail and said "are you sure?" WHAT??? I go through all this talking and you want to give me one more chance to back out? What kind of monster are you??? Luckily, I said none of this out loud and it wouldn't have mattered anyway because, as I was formulating a reply, she chopped about 8 inches of hair off and threw it in the trash can. I damn near fainted. Well. Okay then. No going back now, right? I sat there for a moment - too stunned to move. Then Maegen says "now that we've gotten some of that hair out of the way, let's go shampoo it" and off she walks. I got up to follow her, still with my mouth hanging open. Luckily, the place was packed or I might have picked her 98 pound self up and broken her like a twig for the shock she had just put me through. She was soooo tiny, I'm pretty sure I could have taken her. But again, the crowd was there so I meekly followed her to the shampoo station. I think Maegen sensed my turmoil. When we returned to her chair, she kept me faced away from the mirror until she was completely done. Then she spun me around and...well, my gosh...I liked it. For the first time in my whole entire life, I have short(er) hair and I love it. It's still touching my shoulders, but barely. I'll have to take pictures soon - I really haven't mastered the "taking pictures of myself" thing yet so I'll have to lasso Jacob to help me (easier said than done). Randey and Kaleb are out of town this week so they're no help, either. But whenever I get one, I'll post it. I want to thank some of you guys out there for your help and advice. I got everything from "please don't do a Britney Spears" which was hilarious (and oddly terrifying at the same time!) to "hey - put on a pair of earrings and slap on some lipstick and no one will mistake you for a man then!". And by the way, that's exactly what I did this morning before I headed out to run errands - dug out some earrings and even dug underneath the bathroom sink for my dusty make-up bag. I can't remember the last time I felt like wearing earrings and lipstick! This new hairdo feels that good!