Monday, July 2, 2007

It's Monday and I have a dentist appointment...

The day has arrived. My appointment with the, at 1:00. I already know how this is going to play out.

"Ms. Kari? When's the last time you visited the dentist?"

THE dentist or any dentist?, I will be tempted to ask.

"Looks like you've got a pretty bad cavity on your upper left side".

Ya think???

"Hmmmmm. Some of these molars feel a little soft. Have you had trouble chewing?"

Well, duh. I have a giant whole on the upper left side. Chewing isn't much of an option over there.

"We're going to get some x-rays and let the dentist take a look. Why don't you just give me all your credit cards right now and I'll get started on maxing those out for you. In addition to needing your credit cards, we'll be running a complete credit check on you so that we can get the paperwork started on the 2nd mortgage you'll need to pay your account in full. Oh yes, and one more thing...the broken cap on your front tooth that's giving you that whole Nanny McPhee vibe? We're going to fix that last. The girls and I have discussed this in the back room and we feel that if we do that one first, we'll never see you again and let's face it...the boss isn't the only one who has car payments to make. And I personally have had my eye on a brand new jet ski that I could ride to work until the floods recede and I'm thinking your bill will just about enable me to buy it outright. Now here, open wide, let me shove this painful and awkward bite-wing in your mouth...that's bite down...there we go. Alrighty then, just sit here and the dentist will be with you sometime within the next hour or so."

Yep. Let the games begin.

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