Thursday, July 30, 2009

I'm Having a Fat, Ugly Week

You ever have one of those days where you just feel fat, frumpy, old and ugly? Well I'm having just such a day. Actually, I think it may turn into just such a week. I really have no idea what the deal is, but everytime I look in the mirror, I just see...yuck. I see my old, wrinkly double chin. I see those ginormous bags under my eyes. I see my "brutalized by gravity" girls that are sitting somewhere due south of where they should be and I see a big, honkin' nose instead of that cute little button thing I've longed for all my life. Most days, I can just sort of squint and move on, but not today. Not yesterday either. And maybe not even tomorrow. This situation was not helped by the conversation I'm going to relate to you below. It occurred last night in the car as we were driving home from meeting my cousin for dinner in Fort Worth. It was just me, my husband Randey and my wonderfully precocious granddaughter Maddy, age 9:

Maddy: Your hair is shorter than the last time I saw you, Granny.

Me: Yeah, I know, but I kind of like it shorter.

Randey: Me, too. I think it looks nice.

Maddy: It does. And I'm glad you don't color your hair anymore. That just wasn't right. It looked like you were trying too hard to look young.

Me: (thinking that over and being left quite speechless)

Randey: What are you talking about? Granny's hair always looked nice. (He's such a great husband, eh?)

Maddy: Well there's no denying it. Granny is old. She's got wrinkles under her eyes. When she smiles, those wrinkles really show up. I was noticing it today when I was looking at the picture we had taken at Christmas.

Randey: Oooooohh, you've done it now. Never insult a woman by talking wrinkles or weight, I'm just sayin'.

Maddy: Uh yeah, Grandpa...and how old are you, by the way?

End of conversation.

So there you have it. I have big, baggy wrinkles under my eyes and my damn jeans were tight yesterday when I tried to put them on. If those aren't the makings of a Fat, Ugly Week...I don't know what is. Now if you'll excuse me, I must go find the yellow pages and look up peddlers of Botox. Apparently, I need me some.


  1. One person's wrinkle is another person's laugh line...

    Kids...gotta love 'em. :)


  2. I am sorry I have to disagree with you and Maddy That picture of you camping was as cute as can be!!

  3. Out of the mouths of babes. Sometimes I wish for a ginormous roll of tape. I'm just sayin'. I was told by her majesty that since I got skinny I got grouchy too and really ought to invest in some hot fudge sundaes... speaking of her majesty...Picking up Arianna today who will go home Sunday afternoon...having her tonsils out on Monday...won't be able to talk or speak straight from the hip for a least a day...tonsilectomies just aren't what they used to be!
    love ya
    and you're beautiful...don't listen to Maddy...she thinks 30 is old...what does she know?
    Aunt Sandi

  4. My grandkids would be shocked if they knew what color my hair really is!"smile" I'm in agreement with Marcia - you look really good in that camping picture! I'm jealous! V.

  5. Grandgirlies can be so brutal. But I know exactly what you can do to cheer yourself immensely. It even worked on my Nan who has everyone beat in the wrinkle department. A pedicure! One of those wonderful pedicures where they paint a cute little flower on your toenail polish. Oh it'll make you young and beautiful again in no time.

  6. I had a week just like that where my biggest jeans wouldnt even fit...grrr...

  7. Well, I just "stumbled" here and now I am glad I did--I am laughing over your granddaughter--ahh, sweet innocent honesty. Here's a thought: My husband and I prefer the term "fluffy" to "fat". It has much nicer connotations :0) Just this morning I told him I was feeling a little fluffy ! Thanks for sharing this!~

  8. Kari,

    You are beautiful. Tell Maddy that grandmas are supposed to have wrinkles. They are caused from when they smile. :-)

    My grandsons say it as they see it too. I just go along with them and let it slide off. LOL Remember we are all special.


  9. I found you over at Mary's Writing Nook and I am so glad I did. I thouroughly enjoyed reading your blog.
    Your conversation with your granddaughter sure tickled me. I've had similar ones with some of my grand and great grandchildren. For some reason when they are around five they become aware of and absolutely fascinated with the turkey wattle thingy under my chin. ( actually just excess wrinkles skin) Sometimes I can barely keep from laughing myself into wet pants and the things they ask.

    Your camping trip brought back memories of some I have had. The water looks so green and clear in your pictures. Was it very deep?
    Thanks for a nice visit.

  10. Is it wrong that I was laughing through this? I'm having the same week-- Just last night I realized that I will grow older exponentially while Mr. Baby face will age gracefully (he's younger than me, you know). Then I started considering that when Miss Ky is in her teens (and stuff like this matters) I will be approaching my 60's which is not a pretty age in my genetic inheritance. When I was a child I had hoped to be dead before 30-- an age that I considered ready to be put out to pasture.
    So--ONE:you are a gorgeous lady and I think your laugh wrinkles say more about a joyful you and TWO: I'm feeling your pain.
    LOVE the John Travolta pic you're illustrating this post with :-)

  11. Well, all I can say is, if there's room, move over! lol I'm slidin' in right beside ya. That's what I see most days when I look in the mirror and, like you, I'm lucky my husband sees something else. I've offered to take him to the eye doctor but now I'm wondering WHY? Let's not mess up a good thing. LOVED this post. It was REALLLLLLLL!

  12. Hey Kari!
    I'm about to freak out about my upcoming bday! Seriously :)
    I'm running away from home Sunday to avoid any fun stuff.


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