Maddy: Your hair is shorter than the last time I saw you, Granny.
Me: Yeah, I know, but I kind of like it shorter.
Randey: Me, too. I think it looks nice.
Maddy: It does. And I'm glad you don't color your hair anymore. That just wasn't right. It looked like you were trying too hard to look young.
Me: (thinking that over and being left quite speechless)
Randey: What are you talking about? Granny's hair always looked nice. (He's such a great husband, eh?)
Maddy: Well there's no denying it. Granny is old. She's got wrinkles under her eyes. When she smiles, those wrinkles really show up. I was noticing it today when I was looking at the picture we had taken at Christmas.
Randey: Oooooohh, you've done it now. Never insult a woman by talking wrinkles or weight, I'm just sayin'.
Maddy: Uh yeah, Grandpa...and how old are you, by the way?
End of conversation.
So there you have it. I have big, baggy wrinkles under my eyes and my damn jeans were tight yesterday when I tried to put them on. If those aren't the makings of a Fat, Ugly Week...I don't know what is. Now if you'll excuse me, I must go find the yellow pages and look up peddlers of Botox. Apparently, I need me some.