As many of you know, I started with Weight Watchers back in May of 2008. When I started, I weighed 205.2 pounds and was wearing size 18 clothes. Yowza, right? I never really thought WW would work and, in fact, told myself that I would stick with it, come hell or high water, for 4 months before I quit, just so I could say that I had "tried everything" to lose weight. I was pretty convinced that it would be a very unproductive 4 months. I was wrong. Almost immediately, the weight started coming off. A pound or two a week, but it was coming off. After the first month, I thought I would be perfectly thrilled if I could just get to maybe 165 pounds again. I wasn't sure if I could do it, but it didn't seem completely unattainable. Well heck...things kept working, I kept losing and before I knew it, I was at 165 pounds. Who'd a thunk?? At that point, I really started to pay attention. I got on the Weight Watchers website and looked up the "healthy weight" parameters for my height and my age. I think it told me I should be between 144 and 150, depending on whether I counted my height as 5'4" or 5'5" (technically, I'm 5'4 1/2"). So I put my goal at 140 (always looking to over-achieve, you know). Well, the closer I got to that, the harder it seemed to be. Not one to make myself suffer unnecessarily (all thoughts about over-achieving notwithstanding), I changed my goal to 144. Eh, what was 4 pounds, right? Okay, so I continued to plug along and then the holidays hit...Halloween, Thanksgiving, blah, blah, blah. Suddenly, 144 just wasn't going to work anymore. I panicked. I got down to 148.8 and that seemed to be as far down as my body wanted to go. Bummer. For over three weeks, I stayed within 2 ounces of that weight. I just couldn't seem to get below it. Finally, in frustration, I told my team leader at WW that I had had enough. I was declaring myself done. And actually, I was pretty happy with being right at 149. I was wearing size 8 jeans, size medium shirts...I was smaller than I'd been since Randey and I had gotten married. I thought I was okay saying enough is enough. My team leader, however, seemed shocked and more than a little bit dismayed by my decision. After discussing it with her, I actually felt like I had failed at something! What the heck? I know she didn't mean to make me feel that way, but from the reaction she had, I couldn't help but feel like I had given up on something, that I had failed. But...it's been more than 4 weeks now and while I've gotten down another pound, I'm still maintaining between 147 and 149. Maybe I could have worked harder and longer and lost a few more pounds. Maybe I should have done that, I don't know. I still feel like I've kind of failed at something and I'm not really sure why that is because I also know that I've succeeded beyond my wildest dreams. I, Kari Hayes, lost 57 pounds! Woo-hoo!!! So I didn't lose 65 pounds, like I had hoped to do at one point. So I didn't get down to a size 4 (like Marie Osmond says she did using NutriSystem). Big deal. Right? Right???? Am I happy with my size and weight now? Yes, a part of me is. Am I wondering if I didn't sell myself short because of some extra holiday eating? Yeah, I guess maybe I am. Does wondering that make me want to turn to a box of Godiva and drown my fears and uncertainties in its chocolate-y depths? Uhhhhhh, no. I'm a practitioner in the ways of the Weight Watcher! I don't feel the need to solve my problems with food anymore. I'd rather surf the net or walk the block! And I'd rather be sitting here wondering if my size 8 butt could get smaller than sitting here believing that my size 18 butt can't. Regardless of any small measure of angst I'm feeling today about my size, I can guarantee you that it's nothing compared to the heartache I felt about it before I joined Weight Watchers. It was good to do something about it. It was good to learn that I could.
For anyone thinking or wondering if they can actually do something about their weight, I urge you to try...I obviously recommend WW, but I know it's not the only thing out there that works. It's just the thing that works for me and it's given me a whole new outlook on life. Give yourself a chance to feel better about yourself, too, if that's what you need. I got the nerve and the urge to check out a Weight Watchers meeting thanks in no small part to a fellow blogger (you know who you are!) who first shared her WW experience with me. If I can pass that along to anybody else out there, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm always happy to talk about the difficulties and the joys of weight loss!! My absolute only regret is that I didn't do this sooner. Remember, there's no better time than NOW to get started!