Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Out of the Mouths of Babes....

Ever notice how kids have an amazing capacity to say whatever it is they're thinking? Ever notice how we, the adults, can sometimes be caught totally unaware when a kid does just that? Here's a story of how I was blindsided by just such an occurrence. The amazing part is that I never saw it coming. Just goes to show how blissfully and, more to the point, how willfully ignorant I can be. As I mentioned before, we were going to Oklahoma for New Years Eve. My father lives up there with his lovely wife, Wendy. Wendy's 2 children and their families also reside in the great state of Oklahoma (you can't tell I'm an Okie and proud of it, huh?). It's always a wonderful time while we're up there. Everyone's so friendly and open and well, heck...it's just plain fun. And, for the most part, this visit was, too. Except for this one little, bitty, tiny part. What's that old saying? Something about "out of the mouths of babes"? There's another saying, too. Let me think...oh yeah, it's "kids say the darndest things". Boy, they sure do! Listen to what transpired this past weekend. There we were, the whole family, sitting around talking about going to Bricktown for a ride on the canal boats to see the Christmas lights. (For those of you who don't know, Bricktown is a revitalized part of downtown Oklahoma City that is just out of this world. It features a beautiful baseball park for the Oklahoma Redhawks, the minor league team for the Texas Rangers, as well as numerous restaurants and charming little stores). There's also something called "The Crystal Bridge", which is an enclosed Botanical Gardens (don't really know all the details about it, but I can say it was full of fascinating plant life and was very prettily lit up for the holidays). Anywho...as we were all sitting around, discussing our plans...my little step-neice, who is a perfectly adorable little 11 year old child, stated loudly and repeatedly that she didn't want to get into the boat with me because I was so fat that it would surely sink. I have to admit, my feelings were a little bit hurt, but hey - don't dish it out if you can't take it right? And I am constantly aggravating that kid (and every other one within reaching distance of me!) so it's not as if she shouldn't have felt it was okay to go at it with me. I was doing pretty good with it, I think. Kind of cringing inside everytime she said it, but thinking it was bound to stop sooner or later. I kind of played along and laughed and smiled...and then she said that I was way too happy about being so big. I, rather stupidly and disingenuously (as it turns out) said, "You've got to be proud of what your are, honey" to which she instantly replied, "What? A fat pig?". I actually gasped at that 'cause man, that kind of hurt. How stupid is that? I got my feelings hurt by an 11 year old. Sheesh. She did immediately apologize, but by then, my chipper outlook was pretty much flat-lined. lol And I very purposefully chose to steer clear of any more one-on-one conversations with her after that. (How's that for maturity?) But the good times weren't over. The next day, a bunch of us were standing and sitting around, laughing and talking and, I forget what led up to it, but my little niece said something and then ended with the comparison of her aunt and myself as being an example of "before and after" (i.e, I was ugly, the aunt was pretty). Hmmm. Okay. I have my moments of being way too thin skinned. I'll admit it. But that almost brought me to tears. Now don't get me wrong. This kid wasn't blurting out rude comments left and right just to be hurtful. I honestly believe she was "playing" and didn't intend to hurt my feelings so much. But that's the thing with kids. You get them going, and the next thing you know, they're saying things that stab you right through your heart and they don't even realize they've drawn blood. I have to say this, though...her comments really hit home. I thought about what all she'd said that night when I went to bed and before I realized it, I was crying like a baby. (Luckily, Randey was snoring his brains out by then and didn't notice because that would have been embarrassing!) This past year has not been my best, that's for sure. I've gained over 15 pounds in 10 months, the circles under my eyes keep getting deeper and deeper and I've made a big decision in the past couple of months that I'm no longer going to color my hair - I'm just letting it all go gray because well, heck, I happen to like the look of my gray hair. But I gotta tell 'ya...I don't know how much more my bruised ego can take. I guess somewhere, deep down inside, I knew I was beyond chubby and waaaaaay on into fat. And I knew I was aging badly because my mirror told me so. In an attempt to greet reality, I actually looked at the pictures Randey took of me this weekend. So, having done that, let me just say this: Hello, my name is Kari and I'm a fat-aholic. (Hi, Kari! faintly heard over and over in the background). In addition to the weight issues, I have to come to grips with the fact that I'm getting older and not doing it particularly well. I faced awhile ago that my days of youthful glory were numbered. After this weekend, I'm thinking that maybe that number is in the negative. lol Looky here: Yeah, that's me on the right. And listen, before any of you kind people decide to send a comment saying "Oh Kari, you're not that big", please remember that, A) I can see the same picture you can and yes, I am that big!, and B) telling someone they're not "that fat" is like saying "oh honey, you're not that ugly!". It's not as big a help as perhaps you would hope, okay? Yeah, okay, so maybe the red shower cap I'm wearing on my head isn't that big of a help, either, but let's not lose focus. I'm coming to realize that my physical appearance is such that young children feel the need to point and laugh. So why post a picture, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. I had meant to try and get in touch with my friend, Penny, from junior high while I was up in OKC. Just like I had mentioned to Kat (Just a Beach Kat) that I might be headed to her part of the world in March and that perhaps we could get together for lunch while I was there. I always have the best of intentions when I mention getting together with people. But then I don't follow through. Why? Because I don't want them to see me and say "WOW! She's really let herself go" or "Geez! Kari's HUGE!". So in the interests of full disclosure and to just lay it out there for all to see - here's a picture of me as I really am. (EEEEEeeeeeck! This is hard to do! lol) When did this happen? When did I become so big that I'm just downright ashamed? Why has it taken me so long to admit that to myself? Are fat people really that unlovable...even to themselves? And does being fat bother me enough for me to throw away my stash of Godiva chocolates? Isn't this the time of year for making one of those "I'm going to loose 425 pounds before St. Patrick's Day" kinds of resolutions? You know, when I stopped smoking after 25 years, I thought I could do anything. But losing weight is one battle I don't know if I can win. What's worse, I don't even know if I'm up for the fight. Which brings me to the other piece of bad news we got today upon our return from Oklahoma. I had planned to vent about it, but think I'll save that for another day. Suffice it to say, I will be spending most of tomorrow typing a letter to the Veterans Administration and our congressional representative to question just how in the heck they've (the VA) arrived at a particular conclusion that has caused them to claim an "overpayment" to us in excess of $25,000.00. Considering the total we've received from them is nowhere near that amount, I must admit to being baffled by their accounting procedures and will be asking for a "review" of their methods, to say the least. Not to worry, however. They very kindly pointed out that they do take Visa/Mastercard. (Yeah...what a relief. For a minute there, I thought I'd have to sell the yacht we keep moored off of Grand Cayman in order to pay them!). Leave it to Randey and me to incur an overpayment far in excess of any actual receipt of payment. Now that's talent, eh?
P.S. I forgot to say it, but HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE! There. I've said it. I'm going back to being grumpy now.


  1. Kari if you don't want me to say your beautiful...I don't know what to say. I am fat...id hate for the little girl to see me lol. I know we all have t do what makes us happpy. I know I will never be slim.People can say what they want,but all my moms side is short fat indians. i work my ass off and lose a few. I am not happy with me. I don't feel ugly..I am uncomfortable right now and am going to work to feel healthier. I love you Kari you are a great person. Come see me and you wont feel like a pig!

  2. well dear,dear Kari,
    No matter what a person's appearance a child over the age of eight should have the manners to be polite and not to call names--I hope she is taught before she gets any older that kindness will serve her better in life than name calling--

    Now for you my dear, you have seen pictures of me on my blog I am not small I am fully gray (I do Color) and I love food --I also love exercise and I do it for the health of it esp the mental health. I have learned through the love of my husband, friends, and God to love myself and forgive myself and others so I can accept me for who I am!! I strive to become healthier and that has to involve some weight loss for me but that is not true for everyone---- strive for health and well being!!! forget about scales --We see how much Randy, the boys, your extended family, and of course your blogging friends LOVE you!!!! bask in that and feel good strive for health ,You can not get to be our age and not have a little wisdom --trust yourself and your decisions --decide to not be treated poorly by anyone including 11 year olds besides You are awesome and are a lovely person. Thanks for sharing and reaching out .

  3. ..and I wish I had all my teeth,But I don't..
    joyismygoal has a good point.11 years old is surely old enough to learn to respect the feelings of others.

  4. I can't believe that little girl made those comments - over and over no less - and got away with it. Her mother didn't correct her? I would have slapped her up one side and down the other.

    It's what's inside that really counts. You're a beautiful person, very caring and thoughtful. And that's what people see when they look at you. The outside is just a wrapper and that can be changed as you want. I've seen many perfect size 6 women who are bitches inside - and their nastiness is all I see when I look at them.

    Change your "wrapper" if you feel you must, but don't ever lose the inner beauty.

  5. My out of the mouths of babes story:
    My daughter, 8, was telling me about this little boy she saw who had a pierced nose and so did his dad. I told her about how I saw a little baby boy (around the age of or less than 1) at the mall who had two earrings in his left ear and none in the right. She said with full sincerity, "Maybe they're pirates."
    This was not a joke coming from her. She said this as if Pirate is an ethnic group or occupation.
    When I told my wife she almost died. This happened on Monday, and has since become somewhat of a inside joke.

  6. Oh.My.Word! I sure hope that 11 year old was just trying to be funny and not cruel. I imagine she hasn't learned yet how to be funny and she thought she got a laugh the first time and then just couldn't let it go. It makes you wonder what's been going on at recess. Is this a new thing the kids are doing? Regardless, her Mom should have straightened her out IMMEDIATELY. I can only imagine how hurtful that was for you.

    You know you and I are going through this menopausal "ride" together, so I know what you mean about the extra weight over the last year. Every time I get into the shower, I think "oh man, I've just got to do something about this extra weight", but do I? No Well no yet anyway, but tomorrow..... yeah right!

    I also think in that particular photo you shared with us, you might look a little bigger because of the way you're sitting. Some pictures just do that. That's my excuse about some photos of me and I'm sticking to it. Believe me...some photos I just crop until it hides what I don't want seen. LOL

    Don't let one little brat upset you sweet friend. I think you're beautiful...inside and out. I mean that sincerely.


  7. Hi, Kari, thank you for stopping by to see me. Oh wow, what a kid to do all that! I'm sorry for you that she hurt your feelings & I hope you won't let it get it to you. You are a very fun & beautiful person, with a great personality. I love your quirky sense of humor & how you say things that everyone else is thinking.

    I've never struggled with weight all that much, but I'm not fully into menopause either, so my 50's may be a challenge in front of me. My hubby does struggle with his weight, so I understand how it goes. You are the only one who can decide if you want to change things. I know it can be done, my parents both lost 20-25 lbs. in their early 70's. The old metabolism does slow down, but it can be done. I've always exercised, started when I was 25 because I wanted to slow down the ageing process as much as possible. Never regretted it & exercise is a part of my life.
    So, dear Kari, decide what YOU want for yourself & do it for you if you choose that. You can do it!


  8. I scanned Kat's comment and was sort of thinking the same thing... I know it was all in good fun and can really understand how it all went down because my Matt is a constant teaser and sometimes it stings when people retort... I always tell him that if he starts it to expect something back... anyway, back to you ... If any of my children ever said anything close to any of the things your niece said I would immediately have a private talk with them telling them that you don't even tease people like that. You just don't say hurtful things, and none of them would. I think it's sweet that you are defending her and I know you love her and she's probably a really good little girl, but someone needs to explain to her that you do not say hurtful things. If you could it could be brutal ... I mean who doesn't have faults they are sensitive about? I've packed on a few pounds too... it would really hurt my feelings if someone spoke that even though I know I have... Matt's uncle once said I have banana teeth. It's true, my teeth are a little longer than usual, but now as I age I appreciate my teeth and like them even. I'm sorry that you were so sad that you cried about it Kari. That makes me tear up to think about it. You are a very beautiful woman, inside and out!

  9. Kari I agree with your commenters, ANNNND I have this to add: Hello everyone. My name is Wendy and I am a fat a holic. I am posting my weight every day this year on my blog. Accompanied by an occasional picture. Go to my blog to see my big fat but that my hubby photographed for me. Independently of reading your post, which I read AFTER making this goal, I have decided to change my appearance this year, because I too am not aging too gracefully.
    Want to join me? You are so wild and crazy that I can totally see you and I starting something here!
    Kari, I just love your blog, I just love you, and now that my computer has been fixed by a PROFESSIONAL (not my daughter's boyfriend) I believe you will see a lot more of me.
    And, in all truth, I have always thought you were beautiful. And yes you look a little fat. But you certainly don't look ALOT fat. And that's the truth. You look kinda like me. Like some pictures are good, but holy cow let's hope they don't photograph my waist from a sideways view point. I look like I'm pregnant. ha!
    Hope you join me.
    Oh. I've also set the goal to blog every day. So you'll be seeing me around.
    Happy New Year Kari! I enjoy you just the way you are.

  10. Kari, apparently, you and I are concerned about the very same things today. Mercifully, I don't have an 11-year-old darling pointing it all out to me. Ghhheeeeshhhh!

    Now this entire post may be just a ruse to get 25 or so folks to tell you how truly beautiful you are. Hey, we all need our strokes! ;> But it's true, my friend, you are beautiful and you are aging right on schedule.

    As for the graying hair...I decided to let mine go gray years ago and I only wish that it would hurry up. I've got a mud flap on the top of my head and it's annoying the daylights out of me. I even tried to hurry it along by using shampoo for gray, blonde, and highlighted hair today. I must say that I do seem to be wearing a ragged bit of a halo today.

    Later, you beautiful gal, you!

  11. Kari, I had to stop by and tel you about my dream, i will make it shorter though. I went to visit in the dream my neice and she was getting ready to out clubbing( in real life she has two kids and one due now)My sister was there getting all decked out to go with her and she looked young and hot( in real life she is over 50 and false teeth) they kept trying to get me to go,but I felt fat and ugly and didn't think i wanted to go. I had bought me some red snake skin boots lol,but all I had was my big shirts and dressy clothes.I do always like wild animal shirts. I told them if I at least had some STRETCH jeans lol i could go. Trying to make up my mind I go back in the room and lay down and here comes one of my daughters exs and climbs in bed with me and tells me how much he has always liked me. he starts to kiss me(YUCK) needless to say I get up and get dressed and we are all being driven by some dude in a big SUV and im headen off to the club,but I feel I look the worse of all them. thanks God I woke up! Now tell me what all that means lol.Hugs and love,Brenda

  12. Humm - well let me throw in my 2cents. Fat is a state of body..not a state of mind..or at least it should not be. Your neice made it a state of mind for you. True - being overweight is not healthy and the more overweight one gets - the worse they feel ..physically and mentally.

    Now - let me tell you a story. I have never been overweight. Was never pencil thin either.. but the year following my Mothers death and the decline in my marriage sent me spiraling down to where all I wanted to do was eat pre-prepared foods (junk) and let the TV babysit my brain. I was using TV and food to try and escape the bad times. Guess what..almost 20 pounds later, I still had all the problems and now my clothes were all too happy to remind me with every movement that I was sorely out of shape! I became a bit disgusted and angry with myself and started to make changes. Some changes were small...like common sense..2 cookies verses 10! Other changes came later when I wanted to get rid of those last couple of pounds (the hardest ones to get rid of) and I gave myself a curfew eating limit time of 7PM.

    Anything you do to get you out of the kitchen and not eating is good! We recently took up motorcycling and because we spend so much time on the bikes and you can't eat when you ride.. so I have noticed that is also helping me with my holiday weight gain.

    Obviously I would like to see you lose the weight..sorry - it comes from growing up in a family of Doctors... I can't help it. I can only promise you that if you are willing - you will feel so much better - heart body and soul!

  13. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad!

    As for me, I'm feeling mighty frumpy and the dreaded "f" word too as that seems to be a going theme in the blogs today...lol!

    I think it would do us all good to do something special for ourselves in this next month. It's been years since I had a manicure...maybe I'll do that. Just any old thing that does it for you, just go do it! Each little step in the right direction is a positive I'm thinking!

    I hope you have a good day!

  14. The kid should have been pulled aside & told to keep her mouth shut. Such rude comments! I don't know what I would have done in your shoes.

    Ya know how it is, gotta keep peace in the family.
    BIG HUG FROM ME{{{{{{{{kARI}}}}}}}

  15. OK.....so you are on the heavy side like have of the women in the world. I also have the same problem but I found a wonderful support group that is nation wide and does not cost an arm and a lake. It is called TOPS. there is no diet that they push but I have ment many others with the same proble and they have helped me to understand that I am not alone. And neither are you my friend. If you would like to email me I am at SKZ123@aol.com.........and will share with you about the program

  16. Many hugs to you Kari!

    I've struggled with my weight, my entire life. It is easier to lose weight for some, than others. The past year, I've had some tests and things, trying to determine what the problem is, since I'm eating less and less as I grow older. I still walk and get exercise. When we were away during our Christmas vacation we behaved ourselves at meal times and worked in daily walks. I see photos of my sister and my cousins and see myself...we are all pretty much the same body type, short and stout. I've been up and down the old yoyo for many years. I strive for a healthy lifestyle all year long, not just in January. I work at it, the entire year. It is a battle of mind and body to overcome and keep going. Oddly enough, my past cholesterol and other blood work results were fabulous..you wouldn't believe it, would you! I see my physician again in February, we'll see what the last tests results, from November, were. No letter or notification, so I'm taking that as good news, once again.

    I feel the best thing that can be done for this child is to explain to her about words hurting people, whether it is intended or not. A quiet little talk would do a lot of good!

    I also kwow your struggles with menopause have not been easy (an understatement definitely). The worries and woes of that, can cause weight gain in no time flat!! Then this VA thing gets thrown in with everything else...outrageous!

    You're a wonderful woman, Kari. I really hate to see you hurting like this.

    My thoughts are with you!

  17. Hi Kari,
    Without repeating what's already been said.....I don't think it was silly to let it get to you. Anyone would have been stung by it. I know the teasing was going both ways but I'm shocked her paretns didn't privately pull her aside and say enough!
    As for me, I think i'll be the little 80 yr old lady still with blonde hair. It's the one thing I can do easily to disguise my creeping age! As far as the weight gain goes.....I feel your pain. Every year I creep up more and more!

  18. Our feelings are there to be a judge of how people are treating us. If we can't identify when people are treating us badly, then we can't fix the problem. I know you love your niece, and that she is just 11, but I am telling you that it is ok to tell her that she hurt your feelings. What if, now that she's practiced on you, she goes up to someone (like her teacher or her grandmother) and lays one on them? I don't imagine she'd get the same response she got from you! And, knowing you a little bit, I bet you'd feel bad if she got into trouble. I personally think you look like someone I could be friends with, some one comfortable in her skin, someone who knows where she stands (and sits) and someone who knows when to give a hug or sucker punch when needed!

  19. Okay, I'm sorry, what ever you didn't call that snivveling little brat, don't worry about it, I've taken care of that...my favorite saying about rotten spoiled little brats is "I'll tear that little ass out of the frame"...I say it frequently because, sorry if she's kin, but someone forgot to see about her rearing...and her rear. As to the other thing, since when is it up to you to fund the war? If I were you, I'd go to the Media with this...really...and now I say we all lose weight together...I don't know, have you ever really considered calling Jenny? No, call Aunt Sandi...we'll lose this weight together!!! I swear!
    I love you honey,
    Aunt Sandi

  20. Oh oh, and I forgot, you can't sell the yacht yet, we plan to use it to go to Acupulco this summer...think you can hold them off, my Beauty?
    Love again
    Aunt Sandi

  21. Hi Kari- I think someone like your neices mother or father should have clued your neice in on how inappropriate her behavior was!!! She is lucky she didn't say those things to me because I would not have been as nice as you were. I am fat myself and tend to be a little cranky when someone points the obvious out just to be mean! Just know you are not alone....there are a lot of people right there with ya :o) {{{HUGS}}}
    Happy New Year!

  22. Sweet Kari---I don't think kids ALWAYS see things as adults do. Yes, you may not be Paris Hilton, but you aren't ready for Dr. Phil yet either. Quitting smoking is the best thing you ever did--weight gain will not affect you the way smoking did. And, you have such a beautiful presence (at least on this blog) that I have fallen (friendly--no brokeback here!) for you!!! And now that I see you, I know you are just as lovely in person. Quit beating yourself up!!! Beat up the kid!! ha ha

    I too have gained like 10 lbs this year--and being 5 ft tall, that shows BIG!!! Plus my only sis, who I adore, RUNS MARATHONS & EATS HEALTHY---try going everywhere with her!!!

    So in your honor I'm now going to eat a couple of Pinwheel cookies!!

    If you want to loose weight, just start walking a bit around the neighborhood. Start with 15 minutes. Look in people's houses, take the dogs for a walk. Don't even think the word "diet"--they are soooo overrated!!!

    Happy New Year

  23. Kari,

    Where was that kid's mom? I mean hurtful comments like that should never be tolerated and if she was my kid she would have had an earful. Little brat........ Girl, I have been there and have struggle with my weight for years and you know it's just been in the last year and a half I've lost some of it but honest to God it's a daily battle for me and one that's been harder now that I'm dealing with menopause. Okay, I'm still mad at that litle girls parents. LOL Take care and Happy New Year!

  24. Huh!!! IAnd I thought my daughter was being rude when she was afraid of your toes when she was 3. You can bet if I was that little girls mother I would have slapped her silly!!! I understand her making one comment and then appologizing because she realized it was out of line, I hate to say what goes around comes around. Next year buy her a diet book and tell her that her hurtful words may end up on her hips someday. Well maybe that is harsh but that is what Haley would hear from me if she had said that to you or anyone else.

    Love ya

  25. Kari, I've been sent over here twice, but the last one, gave me the link. Why send me over? {Well, I am over weight but, nope. Not that. -grin-} I posted one of those... "Eeeek, I got on the scale this morning and the holidays "did me in" kind of posts. Lots of 'em around.

    Here is mine btw...

    Anyway, I am 70 going on 71, so you can see that I'm not into get-my-sexy-figure-back stuff these days. ,-) I'm into living-well-for-a-hell-of-a-lot-more-years stuff! And to do that, I'd better stop with the holiday excess eating and get my butt moving, with some daily exercise. Believe me Hon, HEALTH and quality of life are much better incentives than How-do-I-look?" is.

    Hooray for you, with letting your hair go natural. {Drop the "go gray"... it's your _natural_ color now!!!} ,-) Just maybe, you'll need to trim it some, during the process though, 'cause 2-tone hair isn't too happy-making, looking back at one's self in the mirror. But that's your choice.

    Annnnd getting back to that 'devil's spawn child' who kept at that very insensitive yacking at you!!! Grrrrr.... Where was her Mother?!? Does that Mother want her little princess to be beat up by some girl friends some day, for doing the same weird thing... running-off at the mouth! Mmmm, some 11 year old friends of hers may well not be her *purrrfect* standards either, and they won't just sit by and smile, at her running-off-at-the-mouth, at them.

    I repeat, where was that kid's Mother??? Did she never attempt to tell the 'monster,' that we do not have to say EVERYTHING we think!!!!

    So, in summation, {I wrote a tome here, so why not say "in summation" at the end???? LOL} don't let the B-R-A-T and her big mouth get you down. If you think it's a good idea, for your own health, to work on more healthy eating and some exercise, then do it. FOR YOU! For your 'Sweety.' For your family. Because it would be very unpleasant for them too, if you don't keep healthy, ya' know.


  26. I held a Caucus...sort of an Iowa thing, you know. You're beautiful. And there's more of you to love.

  27. OK! I am so very annoyed that your step-niece's parents didn't smack her bald headed! (Yeah I know that comment is going to tick some people off! But you know what! I think that is what the problem is with most kids these days! They don't get disciplined anymore! I got my butt whipped when I did things wrong and I grew up just fine! That is SO VERY RUDE! Even if you are "playing!")

    Kari, I wish I could give you a huge hug! Nobody deserves to be talked to like that! Words HURT! And people need to learn when to stop pretending they don't!

    As for being over-weight, gray haired, and not aging in the best possible way! GIRLFRIEND! I am right there with you! I fight the battle each and every day. I am back on Weight Watchers, pay a ridiculous amount of money to get my gray head colored & highlighted, and have seriously thought about buying the whole Oil Of Olay line for aging skin! We don't even want to mention that my hands look like the hands of an 80 year old, or the varicose veins that look like the Mississippi river running up and down my legs!

    Keep your chin up girlie! And if you need to chat, email me!

  28. I'm so sorry about those rude comments from your little niece. I agree that she is old enough to know better. And, if not, her parents needs to be teaching her some manners. It is hurtful when anyone says something of such a nature. But, just know that there are so many people who think that you are beautiful, inside and out.

    Here's a "out of the mouths of babes" story of mine....Me, hubby, and kiddos were seated at the kitchen table having dinner. Our son, Connor, who was 8 at the time, started asking questions about how hubby and I met, etc. Hubby says to son, "your mom was in my class at school and I thought she was really cute, so I asked her out on a date".....Connor looks at hubby, looks at me, looks back at hubby and says "did she used to be a lot cuter?" Well, of course we laughed so hard, we were crying. But, deep down, it did hurt my feelings a little bit, too. You just never know what they'll come up with, I guess.

  29. Well...I think most of what I wanted to say has been said...I especially like the comment from Kathy and the whole hands and varicose vein thing....you know...how can we have a realistic expectation of aging if in America age is such a dirty word! I tell you it just sickens me...to see what some young girls are doing to their bodies just to "fit in" or be considered beautiful...

    Beauty does come from within...that's where it all must start...and honey you HAVE it!! But...I am with you on the whole aging gracefully thing...(I know; sounds as though I have a double standard, here)...but I have AGED so much and probably gained almost 15 to 20 lbs. in the past 1&1/2 years that it is really starting to tick me off...some of it IS because of menopause...some b/c of lack of exercise...(yea I'm spending too much time sitting on my ever-widening butt...reading blogs)and of course some of it is AGE...dangit...but as a lot of the gals have mentioned...we must exercise and eat right...not b/c someone may think we are too heavy or we don't look just right in those jeans anymore...we NEED and HAVE to do it for our health....I want more than anything to have grandchildren one day (and at the rate it ISN'T going...I could be 65before that happens) so I must be in better shape so I can do things with them...such as hiking, crawling, rough housing...whatever they need their "lollie" to do...so I have started back up on my treadmill, I'm trying really hard not to put things in my mouth that will take 2 hours on the treadmill to get rid of...and I'm going to try like the dickens to stay with it...I'll be here to encourage you...we can do this...TOGETHER...I have also started back because of the risk factor of heart disease in my family...I am 50 will be 51 in April...my mom had her first stroke at 52...my brother died suddenly of a heart attack at 52 (after having by-pass surgery 10 weeks prior)...and my dad died at 65 from a heart attack (he had bi-pass surgery at 59)...there were signs ahead of time for each of them...my dad and brother both smoked (so thankful you stopped...great decision)...so that didn't help them...and my mom was just in really poor health...she died at 57of a massive stroke of the brain stem...so you see...the "gene" pool I'm swimming in is a bit tainted...so I REALLY need to get off my butt...for my health...and that is what I'm doing...NOW...I did it before so I would look good at my son and daughters weddings in 05 and 06...(I know...so VAIN...but hey)...now I think I have the right attitude...but don't think for a minute I won't be thrilled to look better in my ole jeans...and I can't remember the real color of my hair anymore...I think I'll keep it that way till I'm 60...thats my goal...I couldn't tell you how much gray hair I have or don't have at this point...but it is one thing I do b/c well....quite frankly I don't have the patience to watch it grow out...not yet anyway...again...VAIN...much!

    Then (after we reach our goals....which will happen quicker than you might think if we keep encouraging and holding each other accountable)...You, me and Aunt Sandi are heading back up to Oklahoma...and we'll find your step-niece and proceed to wash out her little 11 year old smarty pants mouth out with soap...then I will have a "little" talk with her mom and dad....about "southern manners"....

    I felt your pain, though...I am sure it stung like the devil...and more than likely shocked the poo out of you so much...you were too stunned to say anything...I would have probably just started blubbering right there in front of her...maybe even wailing...that would have surely fixed her gizzard!!

    Blessing friend...I love ya...and I am so here for you on the whole menopause, weight gain, gray hair, depression, AGE thing....

    Ummmm...so much for the whole "most everything I wanted to say has been said thing"...you know me...when I get to talking...it takes me a while to step off the soap box!!


  30. Hi Kari

    Well reading all the comments took longer than reading your blog (and I always allow time for your posts as they are long and interesting and well worth the time!!) Anyway I am with everybody else - your niece is just plain rude and should have been shamed by someone immediately on her first comment. A classic case of someone repeating a behaviour because she got away with it. Anyway she is irrelevant in my mind - and your weight, whatever it is, is completely irrelevant to me and our blogging friendship. I notice you didn't mention that you actually have a gorgeous face and a wonderful smile so I can see she really got to you. I'd be the same though - menopause and the extra weight are a real pain but hell, we are alive and every day is for living so vent and forget. I see there are lots of wonderful bloggers offering weight loss/self-acceptance help so I will be reading their blogs to see if their suggestions help me too!! All the best for 2008, Debbi

  31. Dear Kari, Isn't it amazing how kids can really find what you are most sensitive about and really zero in on it? As a person with an ample body and gray hair - I hear you. No longer do you get those second more interested looks! I keep thinking today is the day to start a diet - but food seems to mean more to me than looking good (no longer great!) Hopefully, we have just become fascinating women of a certain age?
    Can't believe about the money thing- that'll be interesting. Happy New Year! Chin up kid!

  32. This isn't very Christian but kid or no she's old enough to get a smack for those remarks! Do you're not model skinny but you're not obese either. And regardless that was just totally an unkind thing to say to any person, child or adult. Her parents missed the boat with that kid teaching her.

  33. Kari,

    This has really made me think. About 10 years ago, I started losing energy and feeling like a blob, but did I do anything about it? No, of course not, just bitched to whoever would listen. Did anyone mention menopause, no!! Fast forward 7 years and I have gone, At 5'2", from 120 pounds to 165, when my periods abruptly stop. Well, now we know why I had the symptoms, but I still have the weight and I also have the hands of an elderly person. Oh and the legs, which at one time were my pride and joy, are just a ridiculous "map. Most of my life I looked young for my age and then it caught up with me and WOW, it sucks. My Christmas pictures ( why do people insist on taking my picture when I ask them not to) are just disgusting...the jowls and the "no-neck", looking like a certified candidate for the "Lifestyle Lift". Anyway, I am ranting and possibly raving!!

    The point of all this is just to say, you are NOT alone ( and I am enjoying the music, does toe tapping count as exercise?)


  34. Kari you are so brave to share those hurtful words with the world and to decide to do something about it.

    I recently heard similar words (asking if I was having a baby) but that was from a 4 year old. I've just tried to push them away, but they are still there.

    Hmmmm....letting it go gray is intruiging. I've just been noticing some silver and can't decide if I want to keep them or cover them up.

  35. I think most people have said what I would have said
    That child should have been smacked for her rude comments little madam. You come across as a lovely kind person and I am sure it must have hurt. And I don't think you are fat. No you don't have a model figure but who does who lives in the real world (very few). I know I don't. Tricia

  36. First - where were this child's parents? I would be totally embarrassed if my 11 yo said that to anyone - I would have words with that child.

    Second - Your attitude is putting you in line for some great coal for the BBQ next Christmas. Let's do a weight off thing. I've put on 10 pounds over the last three months that need to come off! We all have issues with weight (and I'm tired of dying my hair also).

    Here's hoping 2008 brings you lots of lovely things - - and may the force be with you!

  37. Oooh- we can hear it too !!! Stings even reading it, can't imagine hearing it first hand! You are beautiful inside and out, no matter the package you arrive in! We can check in with the cute 11 year old after a few years at the college dorm and let her have a few kids- she will sing a different tune!!! (the one these two sisters are singing now!!!) Wow! You are strong and beautiful!

    kari & kijsa

  38. Okay. First off. I will tell you straight away that I am much heavier than you. There. I said it. And if that kid had said that to me, the old teacher in me woulda nailed her. I cringe when adults say things but not kids. And 11 is old enough to know MUCH better.
    Now, YOU are a very pretty woman. Very. And you are not heavy. Okay, so you have gained a few pounds. You have earned that right.
    Now, you must so what you need to to FEEL better. Nothing else.
    If you feel good than nothing else matters.
    I have to try and do better because I do NOT feel healthy. Ack.

    So, you listen to me because I am your elder you young whipper snapper. You are beautiful. I DO think gray hair is gorgeous. You have great coloring for that. You will be a knock out. Ask Randey.

    Speaking of knock out...didja get the kid's name and address? I got a score to settle. *grin*

    You hafta laugh at the thought of MY huge butt sitting out there in the snow because I fell and landed on it. Oh yeah...so much padding that it did not hurt except to bruise my dignity. But trying to get back up with 2 bad knees and a fat.....well...you get the picture...ahem.
    Now THAT is comedy folks!

    Love and hugs,

  39. oh Kari that sounds just awful! when you first started talking about out of the mouths of babes and kids say the darndest thing I was thinking a YOUNG kid, like 4 or 5 or something - someone that age who doesn't no any better! But 11? That's old enough to know better than to say things like that. There is a difference with teasing around and making jokes etc and saying mean, hurtful things like that...how could she even think that was funny? or that you wouldn't be hurt by it? I hope her mother gave her a good talking to...and no you don't have thin skin - that would cut to the heart of anyone and I would have been in tears too. I'm sorry you had to experience that!

  40. Hey Kari, we hope her mother straightened her out pronto!! Can just imagine how that would have felt!! OOOh we are soo angry!! You know you are a beautiful strong person, okay so some pounds have crept up, that's ok, it hapens to all of us!! Don't be harsh on yourself, you know, you can lose them if you want too, we can all do it you want! Lord knows we can lose a few!! Smile hon, life's too short to be sad :) Jenn and Jacqui

  41. I see by reading the other comments that people felt the same way I did, the twelve is old enough to know better than to make those type of hurtful comments and after the first one, her mother should have stepped in and corrected her. I know how you feel about the weight issue. I'm about 60 lbs. overweight. I used to look like I was anerexic in my younger years before we knew what anerexia was. I didn't think I would ever get fat. But the drugs I took for an illness and menopause took care of that for me. Coke and ice cream are my downfall. Most exercise if off limits for me, because of knee surgeries. I try not to let it bother much. I wear clothes that fit nice, not too tight, but not too baggy either and I do color my hair, because I think it makes me look younger. Personally, I see a very attractive women in that photograph and no, you don't look twenty-one anymore, but you are not over the hill yet either.

    Good luck with the VA. Never had to deal with them.



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