Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Does your dentist carry a large sickle like mine does?
I had to go back to the dentist this morning. Check out his picture. Handsome devil, isn't he? Although I think he looks kinda like an executioner, but that's probably just my imagination, huh? Anywho, last week as we were saying goodbye to Jodie and Moose at the airport, I was chewing gum just like I had good sense, when I felt something...strange. Like my Juicy Fruit had sprouted rocks or something. Upon investigation, I realized that I had lost a filling. A big, honkin' filling , at that. Well you can just imagine my joy. I darn near started flipping cartwheels right then and there, but managed to show restraint. Since this huge gaping hole in my tooth wasn't causing me as much pain as one might have thought, I put off calling the dentist. But then Randey very cleverly took me to eat BBQ after the movie last night. Note to self: one simply cannot eat brisket and cole slaw without opposing teeth healthy and happy enough to crush said items. So okay, Randey. Point taken. I called the dentist. He was happy to hear from me. Truly. He's just moved into a new building with all new gadgets and do-dads and I'm sure the mortgage on that puppy is mind-boggling. Luckily, I'm going to be able to help him out with a payment or two. How many teeth does a normal adult have? 32? Okay. So, at my current rate of payment for all this dental work, I figure I will have a mouth worth approximately $16,000.00 in no time at all. I mean honestly. The cap I'm having replaced on my front tooth (another victim of chewing gum - how stupid can I be?) is costing me $434.00 out of my pocket, after the insurance pays. The crown I apparently need on this back tooth since I chomped the filling right on out, is going to cost me $497.00 out of my pocket (gotta pay for that temp filling, too, don't ya' know). I was thinking about getting another tooth fixed, but came to realize that I simply don't want to shell out the big bucks anymore. How do people get their whole "smile" reworked without filing bankruptcy? Or am I just cheap? (Don't answer that). I offered my first born male child to the people at the dentist's office. (Sorry, Nick - had to do it, babe). I told them he was a good worker, a strong young man with an exceptionally happy disposition and an endless supply of tolerance for grungy jobs...in other words, I fudged the truth just a little. So sue me. I sold him down the river for naught, however. They seem to have enough first born male children already and declined my offer. They want money. How positively...rapacious. Yes, yes. That's the word. Or, to put it in plainer English, those cold hearted, blood sucking, greedy little weenies want all my money. And in exchange, they're offering me a bunch of capped and crowned teeth that don't even make me look like a movie-star when I smile. Ummmphh. You ask me? It hardly seems worth it.