It's happened. The boys first day back to school. See their expressions? That's about how I feel. I go from being as blah and unenthusiastic as Kaleb looks, to being as optimistically goofy at the prospect of a new school year as Jacob seems to be. On the one hand...here I sit, all alone. I'll be by myself for about 8 1/2 hours a day. Five days a week. Week after week after week. On the other hand, here I sit, all alone. I'll be by myself for about 8 1/2 hours a day. Five days a week. Week after week after week. Should I be sad? Should I be happy? I just can't figure it out!
My problem is figuring out if solitude is a good thing these days. I used to think it was, now I'm not so sure. What am I going to do all day? I think I'm having an identity crisis. 'Lo these many years, I've only worked when we absolutely needed the money. Otherwise, I stayed home. But now the kids are older. They don't really need me to be at home for them. Nor do we absolutely need the money we'd get if I worked. So where does that leave me? What good am I? What am I worth? I don't feel like I'm contributing much by hanging out at the house all day - it's not like I'm baking up a storm or spending hours cleaning the baseboards with a toothbrush or anything even close. But what skills do I have to bring to the workplace? All my skills are outdated or rusty. What could I put on a resume'? I know I haven't spent the last 18 years sitting around eating bon-bons and watching soap opera's but how do I translate what I have been doing into marketable skills? I'm lost between The World of Stay At Home Mom and The World of the Giant Empty Nest. It seems like Randey's spent our marriage working towards a specific long-term employment goal and I've spent it doing the things that got us through the day to day issues with no thought to what changes the future would require. Randey's still working (and doing quite well in his job - I'm so proud of him), 2 of our kids are grown and living outside our home, the youngest 2 are both less than 3 years away from being legal adults and I'm...well, I'm still at the same spot I was all those years ago except the little people who needed me have become big people who don't. Oh I know they love me and, in some cases, they do still need me, but they don't need me like they used to. And that's a good thing, I know it is. I just wish I'd thought a little more about what my purpose should be after I've fulfilled the Mommy phase of life. How do I get to the next phase? How do I keep from disappearing from the landscape? I want to matter and I want to do things that matter. I've just got to re-learn my life and look past being a mother and look further into being a person. A person who is seperate from her kids because I know that's the way it's supposed to be. Kids grow up, start their own families and their parents become...well, really - just "relatives". See - that's the problem with being a good stay at home mom...eventually, you work yourself right out of a job. lol And then what? What do you do then to fill your days and make your life important?
Hello, World. My name is Kari and I'm looking for a purpose. Anybody willing to hire someone like me?