Introducing....PABLO RODRIGUEZ

AKA The Six Million Peso Man! Sorry it took so long to post the correct answer on this. We had quite a visit with my sister and her husband. It was absolutely wonderful and I've been exhausted from it! lol Anywho, Jacob dressed as The Six Million Peso Man for Super Hero day and for those of you who are unfamiliar with this particular "hero", he's featured on a funky little show called Robot Chicken. Teenage boys loooooovvvvvveeeee this show for some reason. As do older boys, I suppose. Now for the disturbing part...three of YOU guessed correctly who Jake was dressed as. That means THREE of you watch Robot Chicken and I must say, I am stunned. Who are the three, you ask? Well, you won't believe this, but it's Pea over at Pea's Corner, Sandi from Whistlestop Cooking and Sue at Rabbit Run Cottage. Okay, so maybe you will believe that of Sue. I mean, come on...it's Sue. She's goofy anyway! lol But Pea and Sandi? I never saw that coming..... And now that I've outed those three as knowing of Robot Chicken and The Six Million Peso Man, let me ask them this: Guys, have you ever seen the Star Wars spoof on Robot Chicken where Vader has to call the Emperor to tell him that the first Death Star has been blown up and Palpatine has to take another call to order take-out food and then he goes back to talking to Vader and makes Vader cry when he brings up Padme? And then has to tell him "I love you, too" before he hangs up? Now that was just funny stuff. I had that TiVo'd for the longest time. Great tv, really. And yeah, I'm admitting...I've watched Robot Chicken occasionally. Too bad I missed that Six Million Peso Man episode, though. I think I went down a notch or two on the Cool Meter as far as the boys are concerned. Ah well...I'm getting old, I'm out of touch and I can't be expected to know everything. Right?
Now look what the wonderful sweet Jayme from Scrapper Mama sent me. Isn't this the cutest little Halloween card you've ever seen? She's so talented....she even used her sewing machine in the making of this. I was thrilled when I opened it up the other day and, while I'm ashamed I didn't jump on here right away to brag on her cardmaking, I've shown it to anybody and everybody who has gotten within a 2 block radius of my house. Thanks, Jayme. I love the card and I love that you thought enough of me to send it! You know you've made my Christmas card list, don't you? lol

For those of you who have been reading my blog for any amount of time (that's probably just you, Aunt Sandi! lol) you'll know that, naturally, when family comes to visit, we take them to Granbury. It's not that I wanted to go there, of course, but it's my duty so I suffered through it. (lol, lol, lol - I'm laughing hysterically at that ginormous white lie!!). But looky here at what I came home with. See this sweet little potted flower? My son, Kaleb, bought that for me while we were in Granbury. He saw me looking at it and, after I'd put it down, he snuck it down to the cash register and bought it. Is that not the sweetest thing? That kid has a heart of gold and he touches my heart with gestures like that. I have some pretty wonderful offspring, that's for sure.
And I also have some pretty wonderful friends. My gosh, when I said that my last birthday had become a birthday season instead of a birthday, I wasn't kidding. My friend, Susan, who still lives in Florida, had told me that she was mailing my birthday present but that I wouldn't get it until the first week in October. I couldn't think why any package would take so long to ship and she wouldn't clue me in. Her gift finally arrived the other day. (Nice wrapping, huh? - you gotta love those people at Amazon.com). And now I get it why it took so long! It was Criminal Minds, Season Two. It didn't come out until October 3rd and Susan knows how much I love that show. In fact, she bought me Season One for Christmas last year. Isn't it great to have a friend who just knows you so well? Murder and mayhem...she so gets me. lol
And check out this purse. My sister brought this to me (she also knows me so well - a little animal print always brings out the animal in me). lol
And speaking of animals, my sister gave me these ducks to wear on my feet. I love them, of course. They just quack me up. What? You're surprised that I made such a cheesy joke? Come on now...you had to have seen that coming! But let's not dwell on the sad state of my sense of humor. Just say "ha, ha" out loud a few times and move on.

I've got more pictures to post later. (Pictures of the visit, not so much the duck houseshoes.) But first, I must do my checkbook so that I can get that mini-depression from the financial ruin I've put us in over the last week shopping like a madwoman over with. Wish me luck and I'll write more as soon as I've recovered.

Name That Masked Man

This is how my boys dressed for school today. And, no. This was not a special "Halloween" costume day. It was Super Hero Day (gosh, did I even have to spell that out for you? Sheesh!). If I'm understanding Kaleb and Jacob correctly, the school declares one day a week (during football season) a "spirit day" and each spirit day has a different theme. And, as previously stated, today's theme was Super Heroes. So. Anywho. I'm guessing that most of you have guessed that Kaleb went as Batman. But what about Jake? Can any of you name what Super Hero he was dressed as? If it's any comfort to you...I had never heard of this guy. Here's a hint: I doubt they'll be bringing this character to the big screen anytime soon. Still have no clue? Ummmm, here's another hint: his American counterpart had a TV show back in the '70s. Not helping, eh? Okay. Last clue: Has anybody watched Robot Chicken (a warped and wickedly twisted cartoon that comes on in the evenings)? Yeah...that's all the help I can give you. I will just say this...if any of you actually correctly name what character Jake is dressed as, I will probably contact your family members immediately and recommend that you be forever forbidden from ever watching cartoons after 9:00 p.m. again. Ever. And yes. I realize that my son obviously watches cartoons during that time frame, but he's young. He can bounce back, eh? Besides, this post isn't about my bad parenting skills, it's about your knowledge of strange cartoon shows. So tell me...can you name Jake's Super Hero?

Let Us Remember a Hero

Please visit Kat's post if you wish to follow the links to leave a message to honor a fallen hero. One of our blogging community has suffered a heart-breaking loss and is collecting messages from all of us to present to the parents of Staff Sgt. Matthew Blaskowski. Please take a moment to share your thoughts with them, if you can.

Heather, You're the Greatest!

Look what I got in the mail. Just look at it. Isn't it the most gorgeous thing you've ever, ever, ever seen? And you know where it came from? The wonderful, beautiful, unbelievably generous Heather at Splaneyo sent this to me. Okay, so she sent it to me because I'm a whining, crying, shameless wench, but let's not get bogged down with details, okie-dokey? Moving along now...
I can't even begin to tell you how stunned I was when I opened the mail. I mean WOW! Heather, you've made my flippin' YEAR! Thank you so much. I love this little purse like nobody's business. It's beautiful and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. And I have to tell all you guys, I can't even pretend to be ashamed of myself for acting so petty over not winning Heather's giveaway. Yes I am a whiner. I am a crier. And I am a shameless wench. And I'm also the proud owner of the "I Didn't Win But I Really Wanted It" Prize! Woo-hoo!!!!!!!!

Duh-Filled Questions

I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date. No time to say hello, good-bye, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late...

Sorry all you Menopausal Wild Women! I wasn't able to do my post yesterday, due to family obligations (that sounds so flippin' serious, doesn't it?). My dad and step-mother have been visiting since Friday afternoon. They had to head back to Oklahoma this morning. And my sister and her husband have been visiting from Florida since Saturday (they'll be here until this Sunday). Anywho, they have requested that I focus on them during this time instead of my blog (yeah, how inconsiderate is that?) but they are now watching a movie so I'm grabbing my chance while I can. So, since time is apparently of the essence (the movie only last 90 minutes you know!), let's get started...

The other day, Randey and I were discussing his lack of tender loving care towards moi. Okay, so I was discussing it and Randey was standing there with his eyes wide and frightened and generally acting like a deer caught in the headlights. He can be such a goob and I am so sick and tired of seeing that look on his face, you just have no idea! At any rate, there I was, explaining to him with great care and patience and yeah, maybe a little too much volume, that I required much love and assistance with this trying time in my life (i.e, this menopausal hell I find myself in). In the middle of my ...rant, for lack of a better word, Randey speaks up (like that was asked for) and said "Well what the hell is that anyway? What is menopause? I don't even know what that means! How long does it last? What's the next step?". Hello!!! Do I look like freakin' Dr. Phil? Or even Dr. Ruth? (Uh, excuse me, those questions are what we call "rhetorical" and therefore, do not require an answer, thankyouverymuch). However. The fact that he had the unmitigated gall to ask me required that I give him some sort of answers. Unfortunately for my know-it-all-attitude, I was quite unable to produce intelligent sounding answers on such short notice. Oh shut up. You probably would have choked, too. Wouldn't you have? Say yes so we can move on with my dignity in tact. Good. Thank you. Moving on....

So for those of us out there who weren't sure of the difference between being "menopausal" and being "peri-menopausal", listen up. The difference is this; Menopause actually begins when your periods stop. Peri-menopause is what a women experiences prior to menopause. And while peri-menopause is the time when you experience all those wonderful symptoms we've discussed in the past, those symptoms can actually continue to occur for many, many years after the cessation of your period. Exciting stuff, huh? And, just when you thought it was safe to call yourself human again, let me share this little tidbit with you....no one can tell just how long peri-menopausal symptoms will last. It varies widely from woman to woman. Yippee! And the next step? Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha. (I'm laughing hysterically.) Next step, indeed. Let me clarify this point for the uninitiated...peri-menopausal symptoms don't really come in steps. They just happen. One at a time. Or all at the same time. There's no rules. There's no rhyme. There's no reason (other than a woman's body up and decides that her birthing years are coming to an end).

So, to summarize today's lesson, ladies, let me break it down for you like this: Menopause, peri-menopause...call it what you like. Doesn't change these facts. It ain't pleasant. It ain't quick. And it ain't easy. And when your husband asks for "clarification" about all that you're trying to share with him, just remember this: A man is just as capable of doing internet research as you are. And if he really, really cares about you...he won't waste your time asking goofy, duh-filled questions when he can find the answers himself and it's obvious that you have much better things to be spending your time on. Things like timing your hot flashes and watching your weight climb at the rate of about 16 pounds per split second and recording your mood swings on a bar graph just because you like the look of a giant zig-zag and wadding up all the kleenex you've gone through while crying because your husband isn't as sensitive and loving as perhaps he should be and etc., etc., etc....

Absent, but Accounted For

I've got company so I've been banned from the computer. I know. I can't believe it, either. I've got much to say and it's not like any of these guys want to hear me anyway! I'm missing all of ya'll! However, I'm a mature woman of almost advanced age (no comments, please!) so I think I can handle a few days without blogging. Right? Sure I can. Absolutely. No problem. (sob, sob) Bear with me! I'm hoping to be back soon. I thought I'd get a chance to sneak in a menopause Monday post, but alas...they had me cooking breakfast this morning so I didn't get a chance. Don't worry. I doubt they make that mistake again. Breakfast wasn't exactly a gourmet affair, shall we say. I'm hoping they've learned their lesson and I'm hoping even more that I'll be able to get back here as soon as I can. Heather, if you're reading this, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!! I've got much, much more to say about that and I took pictures to post!! You're wonderful and I fully intend to proclaim that loud and clear when I'm set free from this prison called "Family Visitors". lol (Just kidding - we're having a blast and I'll go on and on about that later, too!).

What Grinds Your Gears?

The other day, my daughter-in-law Jodie did a post about the Top 10 Things that really grinds her gears and then said she thought it would be a fun post for me to do, as well. Of course, anybody that knows me could tell you that I am just full of things that really, really tick me off. I have so many pet peeves that it's a wonder I can manage to keep up with them. But I'll try to whittle the list down to 10. Here goes:

1. Bad Customer Service. Oh this one is big with me! I deplore bad customer service with an almost pathological intensity. Example: Randey, Jacob and I were in a giant electronic store (called Fry's, I believe) in Arlington the other day. They were looking for a wireless card for Jacob's computer. I was there under protest because wow! what a snoozer! A store filled with computer parts, televisions and appliances. Be still my heart. Not. Anyway, I did my walk through of the place, found a card-making/scrapbook magazine and was done with my tour of the much touted Electronic Land (touted by Randey and Jacob who obviously felt the need to make the place sound better than it was just to get me through the doors). I go in search of Randey and Jake (whom I had left upon entry to the place) and discover, much to my chagrin, they haven't moved 20 feet from the spot I'd last seen them. They did, however, have a Fry's employee with them. He was on a ladder, searching for the item they were looking for. Apparently, while the shelves were devoid of said item, the computer said they had 65 of them in stock. After much throwing of little bitty boxes across the top shelf, this skinny little weenie comes down off the ladder and tells them he'll have to go look in the back, but as he's walking away, he muttered "I guess I'll be helping you people for the next hour...at least". Excuse me? Earth calling dipstick! If you're going to insult your customers you might want to make sure they can't hear you!! Although, in retrospect, the little guy may not have known I was with Randey and Jake because I hadn't been with them the whole time and when I did join them, I stood off to the side reading my magazine. And as I was off to the side, along the path this guy had to take to get to the back, I'm the only one who heard what he said. Unfortunately for him, I suffer from what I like to call "menopausal rage" and immediately took off in search of a manager, whom I found fairly quickly near the front of the store. I told said manager that if his employee had something better to do with his time, I certainly could find another store to spend my money in. No problemo. Say the word. Naturally, the manager was appalled blah, blah, blah and right away snagged another employee who was walking by and ordered that he assist us with our Fry Shopping Needs. We did finally get the stupid wireless card, but I gotta tell you...my experience was forever tainted by that little jerk and his mutterings. I won't be shopping there again. Bad customer service is my biggest pet peeve of all time. I didn't shop at Target for over 5 years because of Bad Customer Service and, in fact, have never darkened the doorstep of the Target in Ft. Walton Beach, Florida again because of their Bad Customer Service, nor will I ever. I told you...pathological intensity about this....
2. Another thing that makes me nuts...Blu's dog hair all over my carpets. He's black. My carpet is very light. Usually. Unless it's covered with his dog hair. Then it's just nasty. I'd have to vacuum 4 times a day to keep up with his shedding. I just can't stand it. Blu is Randey's dog and he promised, promised, promised me, before we got another Chow, that he would tend to all the brushing, etc. Well, technically, I guess he's kept that promise because he is the one who brushes Blu-boy out. He just doesn't do it near often enough to keep up with his shedding.
3. Next would have to be stupid phone calls. Stupid and/or long phone calls. I swear, I'm putting a timer next to my phone and once it goes off, the phone call is over. Period. No exceptions. I hate talking on the phone with a passion. Why? Because I can't get anything done when I'm on the phone. Telephones aren't designed the way they were back in the day. Used to be - some time between when phones went cordless and when they went tiny - you could walk around with a phone tucked in between your shoulder and your ear for hours, no problem. My little bitty phones require that you hold them to your ear or they'll fall. This means I can't do anything as long as I'm on the phone. Therefore, an hour spent on the phone is an hour I've missed doing something else...people should say what they've got to say and be done with it. I'd probably answer the phone a whole lot more than I do if I wasn't worried about being stuck on it forever and a day.
4. Speaking of phones, another thing that makes my spine crack is people talking on their cell phone while they're driving. Come on, people! What makes you think that driving 75 miles per hour on the Interstate while talking on a phone is a good idea? Hang.Up.And.Drive.
5. Also on the list is drug users. I'm sorry that your reality isn't all you thought it would be. Really I am. But alter it some other way. Pot heads, crack heads, Valium addicts, drunks...you really and truly grind my gears. Let me tell you something...whilst in your chemically altered state of mind, you are not as funny, as witty or as profound as you like to think. So shut up. Sit down. And detox. Then we'll chat.
6. Being kept waiting. Yeah, that's a big one, too. I've already covered this in another post so I won't bore you again with details.
7. Sensationalist news reporting. That also jacks my jaws. Can't you just report the flippin' news? I don't want your editorials. I don't want your "meaningful pauses" between words. I don't want your asinine questions, such as gems like this; "How did it feel when you thought your loved one was dead?". Honestly, people. What kind of an idiot would ask something like that? Besides 99% of the talking heads on television today, especially that entire group of morons who do the morning shows, I mean.
8. Those big, dumb looking baggy pants that some guys (and even some girls!) wear. The crotch of your pants should not be on the same level as your kneecaps. Not only that, but I have no desire, whatsoever, to see what color boxers you're wearing. Really. I think the wearers of those pants seriously overestimate the interest of the general public in their undergarments. Because eeeeewwwww.
9. Menopause. Menopause really torques me up, too. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. Can't seem to get past those 2 words right now so I'll just stop.
10. Finally, this is a pet peeve that kind of actually mystifies me. I don't know why it burns my butt like it does, but boy...it does. I cannot stand for someone to misuse the word "literally". You see, that phrase "burns my butt", that's figuratively speaking. Not literally. I mean, if it was literal, that would mean my arse was feeling the affects of an actual, physical burn. For some reason, people today use "literally" in place of "figuratively" all the d*mn time. Maybe "figuratively" has too many syllables for them or maybe it's just harder to pronounce. I don't know. But I can assure you, those two words are as far from interchangeable as you can get. I was watching a design show the other day and the host actually told the homeowner "I'm so glad you like it! My heart was literally beating outside my chest!". Well no it wasn't, Idiot. You'd have gotten blood, and possibly gore, all over that new room you'd just decorated if your heart was literally beating outside your chest. Urrrgh! I've heard newscasters misuse this word, too. I've heard it misused in dramas on tv, in the movies and a whole lot in real live. Stop the madness! We, as a society, are actually (i.e.; literally) changing the meaning of words by virtue of the fact that a word is so misused that its meaning becomes something else entirely! Grab a thesaurus. Look up the word figurative. Now look lower, where it lists the antonyms of figurative. Literal will most likely be the first word listed. Because they are opposites! I won't say that continued misuse of these words will drive me insane. But it is a possibility. Literally.

So what about you guys? What really grinds your gears, burns your butt and/or jacks your jaws? If you choose to do this post, please let me know in a comment so I can be sure to hop (figuratively speaking, of course) on over to check it out.

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, It's Off the Edge I Go...

Southern Hospitality is Celebrating her 100th Post!

Just passing on a little FYI. Rhoda at Southern Hospitality is celebrating her 100th post with a fantastic giveaway. Head on over and leave a comment to enter. I wouldn't even be telling you guys about this, but apparently my Jedi Mind Tricks aren't going to work on Rhoda because she's just not declaring me the winner outright so to heck with it. Let's ALL enter and make her really work at digging a winner out of the hat! (Yes, I am that vengeful wench you all know and love. Well. That you all know anyway!) I can't believe that not everyone has visited her site, but for the 3 of you out there that haven't, what are you waiting for? Click here and get to sighing, smiling, gazing and dreaming!

Congratulations Rhoda!! I look forward to a million more posts from you!

It's Open Club Season at the High School

My boys brought home a paper the other day, listing the different clubs they, as students at their high school, are eligible to join. Some make perfect sense...you know, the Future Business Leaders Club, the National Honor Society, the French Club, the Spanish Club, Student Council, Future Farmers of America and even the Physics Club. And then there are these:

• the Divergent Thinking Students Club (Say what? Sure wish it specified what the students would be diverging from.)



• the Interact Club (Again, looking for a little bit more information on this one. I'm hoping the alternate name isn't the "Let's Make a Baby Club".)



• the Anime' Club (I'm amazed that this genre' - which pertains to a type of Japanese cartoon - actually rates a club at the high school, but whatever.)



• the Knit Wits Club (Okay, so this actually does make some sense to me. It's for kids who like to knit, etc. But the name! The name cracks me up!)



• the Hacky Sack Club (I can just imagine those meetings! I mean, really, what do they do besides...well, play with their Hacky Sacks? And do they take formal minutes at these meetings or do they just call the meeting to order and then start kicking their little balls?)



• the Fashion Club (Is there a particular dress code you must adhere to in order to be a member? I bet there is.)



• the ASL Choir Club (Okay, I don't mean to be snarky and I am not making fun of these people. But a choir consisting entirely of people using nothing but sign language? It just strikes me as kind of funny. Maybe because when I think "choir", I think of voices singing. Or maybe it's because my kids tortured me with one too many viewings of that asinine movie Napoleon Dynamite. Who knows? Please don't leave comments telling me I'm going to a dark, hot place for making fun of deaf people because that is not my intention. I promise! And I will even concede that a "concert" by this club and its members would probably be a very beautiful sight to behold! I just don't know if choir is the word I would have used in the club name, that's all I'm saying.)



• and here is my all time personal favorite: the Ping-Pong Club (Come on! A Ping-Pong Club??? In high school? What's up with that? I can't even begin to express how goofy I find this club to be. For real. And my adorable sons said they were joining. Why? Just because. I've requested that they rethink their choice of club and get back to me with another option. Can you see Ping-Pong Club Treasurer on a college application? Yeah. Makes my heart swell with pride just thinking of the little darlin's running for office against their fellow pingers...or is that pongers?)
  

I'm a Winner, I'm a Loser, I'm Thankful 4 Blog Help, I'm Showing Off my D-I-L's Autumn Tree & I'm Thanking my Sweet Friend, Carmen! (Whew! Busy Post!)

I'm still in shock! I actually won someone's giveaway! Me!! The person who hasn't won anything in over 30 years! And just what did I win? I won these beauties: How great is this!!!! Christmas stockings. Do I even have to say how thrilling this is for me? Not only did I win, but I won something Christmas-y. It feels so......perfect! And who was giving these away? Well, it was Jo over at Angel Jem's City Cottage. She made these stockings! Can you believe that? Thank you, Jo. I can't tell you how excited I am at the thought of hanging them up this year in my home. (I'm rubbing my hands together in glee right now, thinking of where exactly they'll go!). lol
Speaking of giveaways, here's two great ones that I didn't win: the flippin' awesome purse at Heather's blog, Splaneyo. Oh I lusted for that purse. I did. And lusting will always get you in trouble, right? Right. However, all was not lost as Heather and son Spencer gave us the recipe for some of Spencer's Super Easy Beer Bread. This recipe looks easy enough for even me to handle. But I hate to speak too soon. Me and kitchen spoken in the same sentence hardly ever results in anything good. But I'm feeling pretty brave so I might give it a try anyway. The other giveaway I didn't win? This awesome scarf over at Karolee's blog, My Montana Moments. That scarf would've looked great with my black winter coat. *Sigh* But alas, it wasn't to be. Still...I had visions dancing in my head of me twirling around at the local Christmas festival, wrapped in Karolee's scarf and carrying Heather's purse. I'd have been one Hot Mama, that's for sure. Guess I'll have to make due with my big honkin' pink purse (unless I can find a red one!) and my OU Sooner scarf. Not quite as hot, but thems the breaks. Oh yeah, congratulations to the winners Nadine (who won the lovely red scarf) and Kim (who won the purse)!
I want to take a moment to thank 3 bloggers who have gone way above and beyond the call of Blogger-helpfulness! Pea at Pea's Corner and Annie at My Life as Annie. Pea provided a website address for doing up a signature for blogs and Annie provided specific and easy to follow directions on how to load the code for it (not to mention actually doing my whole entire signature thingy-I'm still smiling over that)! Thanks to both of you for helping out like that! Because of you two, there's people all over Blogland with pretty signatures now. People like Karolee and Jayme. The other helpful blogger is Tammy at My Gentle Retreat. Without me begging, pleading or actually even asking, Tammy sent me codes and directions (great directions, too, by the way!) to change the background on my blog. How kind and generous is that? Thank you, Tammy! That was unexpected and much appreciated!
Do ya'll remember when I posted that picture of the Autumn tree that I saw in the foyer of my local Hobby Lobby? I said then that I wanted to do one myself. Naturally, I haven't gotten around to that yet (procrastination is my game, after all). But my daughter-in-law, Jodie, did do one. Click on her name to see it. She and my son, Nicholas, are currently stationed in Okinawa and I'm as amazed as she is that she was able to find enough stuff to decorate an Autumn tree over there. It is fairly tropical island, after all. But wow! She did it and it looks fantastic! Great job, Jodie!!
And last, but in no way least, I must say a heartfelt thank you to Carmen. Look at what she sent me for my birthday (I told you guys this was like a birthday "season" this year for me! Woo-hoo!):
Can you believe this? I was stunned, shocked, pleased, teary-eyed...the whole nine yards. She send a gift card for Bath & Body Works as well as one for Macy's! Am I the luckiest person on the planet or what? Such kindness from a friend I've never even met in real life. Thank you, Carmen! You're the greatest! Oh and hey - check out the purse on the cover of the card...looks kind of like one that Heather had in her giveaway. Maybe that's why I didn't win it - Carmen had already sent me one just like it! lol

Even Beach Kats Have Birthdays!

Our friend, Kat at Just a Beach Kat is celebrating her birthday today! Mosey on over and wish her a happy one!

A Padded Room and Some Chocolate. Is That Asking For Too Much?

I had a bit of an epiphany bright and early this morning. Yeah, brace yourself. It's a stunner. Here goes....Doesn't menopause closely resemble mental illness at times? I'm not kidding and I'm not being facetious and/or sarcastic. I've had about 3 days that, were it not for the fact I'm afflicted with menopause at this particular time in my life, I believe could have qualified me for a short, pleasant, drug worthy stay in my local looney bin. It all started Saturday morning. We got up, things were bopping right along, we had plans to take the boys to a movie later in the day. But first, we needed their help to rearrange our bedroom. I was in a splendid mood. Smiling, dancing about, even did a little out of tune singing for every one's listening pleasure. And then it happened. Jake looked at Kaleb, Kaleb looked at Jake, they both started laughing and nodding frantically at each other...turns out they were making fun of me! Yes. They were. They admitted it. They both thought they were funnnnnnny boys - pointing fingers at me, saying I was acting like I was "high". High! Me! Their mother. Well, that's pretty much all it took. The next thing I know, I'm standing in the closet crying my eyes out because I'm old, ugly, my kids are making fun of me, I'm middle aged, I'm fatter than Jabba, my hair's still gray because that stupid, stupid hairdresser didn't think maintaining a schedule was important enough to get to me at the appointed time....It was ridiculous. I was ridiculous. Worse than that, I was being m-e-n-t-a-l. Randey, looking at me like I was a disturbing and possibly hysterical freak, sort of patted me on my head, assured me all was well, explained that the boys thought they were laughing with me, not at me, blah, blah, blah. Okay. Thirty minutes later, I was fine. We finished moving the furniture, got everything together and head to the mall. Things went along just fine until I had to stop and use the restroom. Jacob had to go, too, so we walked all the way down this long, long corridor to where the mall restrooms were hidden. We go into our separate facilities. I did my business, came out and waited for Jacob. And waited. And then waited a little more. Finally, thinking I needed to go get Randey to go into the men's room to make sure Jake was okay, I head back up the long, long corridor to the main part of the mall. And who was standing there, laughing and joking with his dad and his brother? Jacob. Guess he didn't feel the need to wait for dear old Mom. I glared at him and mentioned that I had been down there waiting for him for quite some time. All three of them froze. They looked like deer caught in the headlights! And that's when it hit me! I terrorize these people with my moodiness. That knowledge brought on another round of tearfulness. I shut my mouth and vowed to stop being such a lunatic. Things went along pretty well after that. I think. It's hard to say really. Because I can't remember! Menopause is also causing me to have a memory like a sieve! I can barely retain my own name and address and heck, I may have to start writing that down and pinning it the hem of my shirt soon! I do remember that I spent much of yesterday morning in a wild frenzy of productivity. I cut back some old wilted flowers in the front flower bed, put the new scarecrows out there, made the wreath to go over the fireplace, cleaned off the dining room table, took a nice half hour to "wash that gray right outta my hair" (colored away the gray, okay?) and even took a few pictures to post on my blog. And then Randey left for a trip to Portland, Oregon. A few hours later, I was in a bit of a rage because I couldn't find the epoxy to fix something I'd just broken. That Randey! He'd used it last and I couldn't find it and I was fixing to start throwing things and pulling my hair out when Kaleb, very calmly, says "he put it on top of the fridge". Which is where it belongs, actually. Sure enough, I go check. It's there. Huh. And I thought I'd already looked on top of the fridge. Guess not. Fast forward to this morning...I awaken at the normal time (the boys did not - which resulted in my yelling up the stairs at the top of my lungs because I'm too lazy to stomp up those stairs that early in the morning!). Not a great start to the day, but I've had worse. Things go pretty well after that, they leave for school, I start dusting our bedroom and make the bed and drag the vacuum cleaner out. And the next thing I know, I'm standing there wondering why I'm cleaning. What difference does it make? It's just going to get dusty again. And how come I've been working on eating better the past couple of weeks and my shorts are still tight? I remember I used to be able to drop a couple of pounds like it was nothing. Now I can't get this weight to turn loose of me. I'm huge, I ain't getting smaller ever, ever again so where in the heck is my chocolate when I need it! Whew. That was so much fun. From the vacuum cleaner to chocolate in three easy steps. So let's recap, shall we? In the space of three days I have cried, raged, yelled, stomped, sulked, forgotten most of what I've seen, said and done, played, sobbed, glared, ground my teeth down into mere bumps of worn out enamel, laughed, pouted and terrified my family. And technically speaking, I'm not mental. I'm just menopausal. Uh-huh. I say we look into having this particular time in a woman's life reclassified to more accurately reflect what it actually does to the female mind:
IT MAKES YOU CRAZIER THAN HELL AND WORTHY OF A PADDED ROOM! And by gosh, I want my padded room. And my chocolate. And I want them N-O-W!

So Much Absurdity, So Little Time

It has recently come to my attention that I am surrounded by the absurd. Although I guess absurdity is actually a matter of perspective. Something I may think is totally ridiculous may be something perfectly mundane to you. Let me show you what I'm talking about....See this little guy? He's what I got to stare at for about 2 days in a row. For some reason, this grasshopper attached himself to the screen on the window right behind the computer monitor. Every time I looked up, there he was. Through blazing sunshine and through a wicked little rainstorm...he never wavered. Two whole days. He never even moved an inch either way. I wondered what made that spot so attractive to him. And I hope whatever it was doesn't re-occur because I have no desire to stare at his funky self again.
See this watermelon? I think it's absurd. Why, you ask? Because, A) it actually grew in our backyard and, B) it split open about a day after this picture was taken, and C) out of the 4 watermelon plants we planted, this is the only one that grew. And it was gone before we ever got to love it. Therefore, I can't help but feel that this sweet little melon was nothing but absurd.
This is my granddaughter, Maddy. You gotta love this picture. She looks like she's fixin' to belly up to the bar and demand a whiskey with a beer chaser. Maddy was forever grabbing her daddy's hat and putting it on (usually backwards). This was a look for her that my son almost cultivated. He thought it was funny. I did not. Until I saw this picture. It's absurd.
Does this picture really need any explanation as to why it's absurd? Bless his little pea-pickin' heart. He looks like Spike from the Gremlins. So ugly, he's cute. Elwood has a face that, truly, only a mother could love, you know? Speaking of loving mothers, let me ask ya'll this; Have you ever heard a mother say to her child, "Honey, you're not that ugly". Of course not. So why do some mothers think it's okay to say to their child "Honey, you're not that big". Isn't that just as bad? Speaking from experience, I'm gonna go with yeah, it's just as bad. And absurd.

Sydney the Wonder Dog taking a nap. In the chair. Under the blanket. Absurd. (But oh so cute).
Sydney the Wonder Dog taking another nap (he takes a lot of naps...he's a growing boy). Notice his little tongue sticking out? He's so darn cute it's absurd.
Sydney the Wonder Dog showing us his whole tongue. Who knew there was so much of it? Absurdly long, I must say.
This is a picture Jacob took of Kaleb on a road trip to Oklahoma. He wanted to dog his brother for sleeping with his mouth open. Mean, tacky and absurd.
This is a picture of Jacob taken by me to show him how fun it's not to have somebody make fun of how you look when you're sleeping in a car. Everyone, even Jacob, tends to look absurd sleeping in a car. Does this make me mean and tacky, too? Nah. I'm the mom. This was a lesson for him. Nothing mean, tacky or absurd about that. Right?

Kaleb, Randey and Jacob (and Sydney the Wonder Dog). Randey was showing off his Nascar ticket order form for the November race at Texas Motor Speedway and his new t-shirt that the boys bought him for his birthday. The t-shirt says "Hangin with my Gnomies". Yeah. Absurd.

These are our stairs. I think there's only something like 15 steps in total. Feels more like about 300. I'm constantly running up and down, up and down, up and down...about a million times a day. As much exercise as I get going up and down these stupid stairs, I oughta have a butt like a Playboy Playmate. Instead, my rear end is more like the Playboy Mansion. Roomy and slightly obscene. Oh and yeah, the stairs do need vacuuming. But the thought of me doing them? Absurd. Really absurd.

This sign is for sale at Ross's. It's been for sale for about 2 months. Gee whiz, I wonder why? I'm thinking that this is what happens when you contract with factories in foreign, non-English speaking countries to do your signs. They might just accidentally misspell something. Which thing is more absurd? The misspelled words or the fact that Ross's is convinced they can sell it?
These flippin' Dayturas are totally absurd. I think they're indestructible, no? I can't even count the number of times I've cut them back this year alone. And yet they just keep growing more and more. Absurd.
Check out all the purple ornaments at Garden Ridge this year. I started doing a purple themed tree about 6 years ago when we lived in Florida. My dining room and kitchen were done in a "grape" motif so, naturally, the tree for the dining room had to be all purple and white and sparkly. Do you know how hard it was to find purple ornaments 6 years ago? I haven't done my purple tree for the past 2 years. And now they come out with a selection like this. Absurd.
I think these Christmas trees (also at Garden Ridge) speak for themselves. They're saying "We're absurd. Not our colors! Those are...interesting. Vibrant even. But our prices. Wow! Now they're absurd".
A big honkin' giant lives in my backyard. These are plaster casts of his footprints. Think I'm lying? Well duh. Come on. A giant in my tiny little backyard? What? You think he sleeps in the shed? That'd just be totally absurd, don't 'cha think?

And speaking of absurd (which we have been doing , if you'd have been paying attention!!), I just came back from (blog) visiting my very special British friend, Sophie Honeysuckle. You must click on this if you want to see something absolutely absurd and hysterically funny to boot. Do it. I insist. If you don't laugh out loud at what you see, you may qualify for a disability check every month because you most assuredly have suffered from a severe loss of your sense of humor (and if that doesn't qualify as a disability, I don't know what does)!

It's Officially Fall, Ya'll!

According to my calendar, today is the first day of Autumn. Woo-hoo! According to my thermometer, summer is still hangin' in there. Boo-hoo. But, I'll not let the warmer temps get me all hot and bothered (pun intended) on this wonderful First Day of Fall. I made a wreath to go over our fireplace this morning (see picture below). It's bright. Really bright. But I think I like it. No, no. I'm sure I like it. (The funny orange things that are hanging above the wreath are actually the fan pulls. Strange camera angle, I guess). And those odd looking whitish orange things lined up across the front of the mantle are beaded pumpkins. They just don't seem to photograph well. If you'll look to the right of the picture shown below (I feel like a docent at the Museum of Natural History or something. lol), you'll see my new $5 painting. Do not mock my painting. I think it's beauti-mous. I found it at Goodwill last weekend and after cleaning up the frame and adding a little stain and faux paint to it (the frame, not the painting itself!), I'm pleased as punch at how it turned out. And again, those whitish orange looking things on the right side wicker cube are more of those beaded pumpkins. Still not photographing well, are they? And check out a close-up of my Autumn pillows. I found these at Jo-Ann's yesterday. I was really struggling over which pillows to buy and in the middle of my indecision frenzy, I looked over at Randey and saw his eyes glazing over and I thought for just a moment that maybe he was thinking of strangling me. So I made my mind up pretty darn quick and tossed these two into the cart. I'm glad I wasn't holding neon pink ones in my hand at the time. Sheesh. But I know better than to drag him into a place like Jo-Ann's. It was only a matter of time before he turned to violence. (Just kidding. Anybody who knows Randey knows he wouldn't hurt a fly!).
While at Jo-Ann's, we found some buddies for our original scarecrow (Blu's arch enemy, remember?). They were on sale for $5 each so how could I not get them? But now that we see them out there, we've decided that we need another one and a bale of hay for it to sit on. What do you think? Yes, it's just what we need. I can hear you all agreeing with me.
And here's a closer shot of the Scarecrow Family. See how faded the color is? That's because the SUN IS SHINING SO BRIGHTLY here. Not that I'm complaining. No, sir. Not me. Love the bright sunlight. Just wish it was a tad bit cooler, is all. Like about 20 degrees maybe.
So what did ya'll do to celebrate the First Day of Autumn?